I'm having a bit of drama in my life, and my wonderful blog here is kind of a part of it.
See, one of my friends is very much not okay with how much I talk about Mr. Man on here and on twitter. Friend wants to cut me out of his life because he is so upset about this. I told Friend that if he didn't want to hear about Mr. Man anymore, Friend should just stop reading my blog and I'd agree to not talk to him about Mr. Man. Then Friend tells me that really the problem is that he's "in love" with me and is either going to stop being friends with me or I'm going to have to stop talking about Mr. Man at all. I feel that I should be able to talk about Mr. Man however and whenever I want though. I'm not going to censor myself for one person. On top of that, he implied that if he and I were never going to be "us" he didn't want to be friends at all, and that I should have known that this was all or nothing.
This devolved into a lot of fighting, during which he admitted that every time he knows Mr. Man and I are together, he drinks until he passes out. So now I feel guilty, because even though I'm not handing him the bottle, I know how he's finding out.
I don't want to cut him out of my life, and I don't want to be cut out of his. But I'm sick of him making me feel guilty about ever having feelings for anyone else. So, my question to y'all is: Should I scale back my friendship with him, make it clear that we're not going to able to be as close as we were before, or should I end this blog and start a new anonymous blog so Friend and I can stay close and he won't be able to read it? What would y'all do?
Oh, and don't worry, you can say whatever you want. He already knows I feel this way and won't be at all surprised by this post.
Learn this lesson now... this "friend" can not be in your life. At all. Don't call him. Don't respond to his calls. Leave it. Believe me. Trust me. Break it off now! Change your number if you have to.
ReplyDeleteI'm not joking!
Continue to talk about whatever, whomever, whenever you want. It's your life.
If you still aren't sure after reading my comment, respond to me for more info.
I feel it's my duty as a women to tell you that what he said to you is abusive, and a sign of worse to come.
I dont completely understand but from what I gathered.... this friend can not blame you for his drinking and he can not guilt you into not talking about who or whatever you want to talk about. I would just cut ties because I agree with the above commenter!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I knew you were going to tell us Friend had feelings for you before you got to that part. It was obvious from the way he was acting. Secondly, let me say from life experience that you need to cut Friend loose. He is manipulating you. You cannot be guilted into thinking you are responsible for his poor decisions. He has already told you he cannot be your friend if there is never going to be more, so you need to let him go. It will end badly if you don't Unless of course you have some feelings for him in which case, you need to deal with that, but still move away from him because he is manipulating and controlling you.
ReplyDeleteI'd be interested to hear Friend's side of the story...
ReplyDeleteRie,
ReplyDeleteI know both of you and I have both sides of the story now. All I've got to say is in the end you know what you feel, what you believe, and the value of his friendship. And if he means to you what I think he does you'll work it out.
<3
You can't blame yourself for his drinking problems. If he's going to be upset about this, he needs to figure out a different way to handle it or he needs to go to rehab or talk to a professional about a different way to handle problems. If he really cares about you, he won't force you to make a decision like this.
ReplyDeleteIt's really unfair for this friend to ask you to not talk about your man, and if he doesn't think being just friends with you is worth it then he's not a good friend. I agree, he is manipulating you and that's not okay. He needs to work out his problems, and you need to live YOUR life.
ReplyDeletevalorie, i think that if anyone tries to tell you that they are only your friend because they want to be a couple with you and they are not willing to accept the fact that you are already in a relationship, that you should reevaluate the situation. this person might be fun to hang out with, but if his only goal is to steal you away from your boyfriend, what does Mr. Man think about that? Have you talked to Mr. Man about Friend? If you haven't, I think you should.
ReplyDeleteAnd you shouldn't feel guilty about Friend drinking until he passes out. That's a stupid thing to do, regardless of the reason. Not only does it kill precious brain cells, but it doesn't fix the reality around him.
In the end though, you need to be comfortable with the situation you are in. It's you're life, and if you're uncomfortable living your life then something needs to change. and if you have no intentions of leaving Mr. Man then Friend should know that so he can plan accordingly.
boys are stupid. end of story. haha
ReplyDelete