things we never want to hear.

It's funny how once a break up becomes part of your past, you tend to forget how frustrating and gut-wrenching and just utterly maddening it can be. All you remember is the heartbreak and the sadness. Or at least, that's all I ever remember.

But right now, I'm in the middle of the anger and if I don't say something about it, I'm going to lose my mind. It's this one line he said:

I always thought you were too good for me.

No. Just no. When you find someone who is "too good" for you, you do anything you can to hold on to him/her until you can't any longer. You do anything you can to keep him/her in your life. You don't push them away until they feel utterly worthless to you. You just don't.

Please, don't lie to me.

I really could have lived without hearing that. I would have preferred to be told almost anything else. Hell, I think I would have preferred he agreed with me when I said I felt like he never thought I was good enough for him.

I wanted to make sure I wasn't the only one that went through this during a break up, so I asked people on twitter to tell me the line they hate to hear most in a breakup, the one sentence they could live without. This is what they came up with:

It's not you, it's me. -@kcessna
God told me we can't be together. -@kcessna
Here's your ring back. -@desa155
There's things in my life I want to do that don't include you. -@desa155
You'll be better off without me. -@anglin12
We can still hang out. -@anglin12
I still love you. -@anglin12
Things are different than they were at the beginning. -@TrevinoJake
I can't let feelings get in the way of this decision... I want a divorce. -@bfdchris
I found someone else. -@kevinized100
You're a great guy, more than any woman could ask for, just not what I need. -@sejose24

I have to thank these people for being so kind as to share those memories with me. Especially since some of them shared their frustration with the line too. I wish there was something we could do or say to counteract the anger, to make it better. Even if that meant just forgetting. Especially when it just feels like a downright lie, or is completely offensive.

What he said is reverberating through my head. I have turned the line over and examined it a hundred times and it never gets any better. I can't wait until the day when I'm over this.

Thank you to all who have reached out to me and assured me that that day will come. <33 I appreciate you guys more than I know how to express.

GAH. COLLEGE.

{via.}

Remember back when school wasn't taking over my life? When I had time to do something other than study? Things like breathe, sleep, work out, and eat, let alone things like blog and go see movies?

Yeah, me neither. It's been that long.

On the plus side, I finally feel like I'm actually in college. It only took starting my junior year, but I'm finally starting to feel challenged by my classes and have actually had to wonder if I'll get an A in any given class this semester. So you know, there's that.

I left the sorority I was in the past two years. I "didn't feel like it was right for me anymore." Honestly, I just felt like if I hadn't made any lasting friends there after two years, I wasn't going to. So I've joined a couple other organizations and am applying to volunteer at a place here in town, which I really am very excited about.

At this point, the only thing keeping me going is the fact that I'm getting my very own Aggie Ring (pictured in larger-than-life proportions above) next semester. Whoop!

You know how I once said I hate this school and this town? I take that back. I'm learning to love it again. :)

How is September going for you guys?

Eat Pray Love

{via.}

Or, Get Out of My Head Elizabeth Gilbert.

When I first wrote that, I originally wrote “Get out of my heart,” which is maybe what I actually meant, but I’m not quite sure yet, having put down this book literally less than ten minutes ago (as I write this).

To say that I devoured this book would be appropriate, especially given part of the title. To say that I breathed it in, examined it, and exhaled the unnecessary parts, would be accurate.

I put off reading Eat Pray Love for a long time. I heard of it when it was first released, but being something like fifteen or sixteen at the time, was almost definitely too young for it. I would have comprehended the plot, certainly, I might have maybe related to certain aspects of the book, but certainly not in the way I did now.

Which is to say that the entire time I read it (in under 24 hours – I paused only to help a good friend pick out an outfit for a wedding and to get just enough sleep to function), I was thinking, “GET OUT OF MY HEAD ELIZABETH GILBERT.”

Which is, really, the highest compliment I can give this book. Any book. This has happened to me a few times before, namely with Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk and The Awakening by Kate Chopin. All three of these books have made me alternately laugh, cry, and be overwhelmed with a sense of companionship and of meeting a soul-friend, which if you’ve never had a soul-friend, someone who reached down into the deepest parts of you and met you on a level of yourself you didn’t know existed, then hope or pray you find one soon.

The way Eat Pray Love made me sit up and go “Yes – someone else gets it,” even when I’m not quite sure what it is, astounded me. No, I haven’t been divorced. No, I haven’t chilled with a medicine man in Bali or lived in an Ashram in India or gone on a No Carb Left Behind experiment in Italy, but I have cried my heart out on my floor multiple nights in a row and lost myself entirely in a relationship and been heartbroken and bitter and desperate and wondered how the fuck I got to where I am. How Liz Gilbert goes about acknowledging these parts of her life and then solving them on her own terms is wonderful in an indescribable way.

That’s a lie. Little in this world is indescribable. All else I’ll choose to say though is this: Buy this book now. Put it on your bookshelf, remember that it’s there. Read it someday when you’re going through a time of self-discovery and change, when you need someone to be a soul-friend, even if you’ve never actually met.

{These opinions are my own. No one paid or asked me to write this and I mean every word I say about this book.}

More Texans, Hitler, And Everything Else

Remember how I was saying I could attract every Texan everywhere we go? I've proven myself right numerous times since then.

On the 24th we spent part of the day walking around and sight-seeing (the Glockenspiel, St Peter's Church, etc) then going on a tour of the parts of Munich that show it's Nazi history. Since they're not exactly proud of Hitler, Munich has naturally allowed some of the buildings to be torn down or fall into disrepair or they just conveniently didn't rebuild them after WWII ended, but some are still around. For instance, the museum the Nazis built to house "German art" is still around, built resembling the neoclassical style but uglier. However the beer hall where Hitler attempted the Beer Hall Putchz (which landed him in jail) is actually now the site of a very nice two-story Apple store. The buildings that are still around are typically used for other things and it's only been very recently that they're admitting to the Nazi history o the building.

That night, we dropped by Hard Rock Cafe - Munich and had some good old burgers and fajitas (ah, Tex-Mex) then went across the street to Hofbräuhaus, which is actually where the first Nazi political rally was held. The place is like a huge typical German hangout -- long wooden benches and tables, pretzels and sausages, free-flowing beer, really loud traditional music, waitresses in slutty milkmaid outifts, the works. That's where we ran into more Texans -- one of the people we talked to had lived in the state for a little while before going to UC San Bernadino, then graduating and moving to Riverside, California. I never caught his name, unfortunately, but we actually ran into him again on the street in Prague twice, which was super bizarre.

The next day, we mostly spent the day shopping near Marienplatz (the square where the Glockenspiel is) at a few big German department stores and some other European stores. We got on a train headed back to Prague around 4:45 and that's where we ran into more Texans. The carriage we got in was actually super crowded but I managed to somehow sit us down right next to three guys that just graduated from Rice University (Houston). We talked through probably a little more than half of the six hour train ride about a little bit of everything -- medical stuff (they're all about to start medical school), Houston versus College Station, Iran, scary stories, the Olympics and China -- one of them actually worked at the Beijing Olympics. How bad ass is that?! We talked a lot about Chinese culture and he (his name was Tommy) actually got me really pumped about studying abroad there in a few years. So that was kind of a Godsend since I'd been starting to doubt myself and freak out about learning such a complicated language and moving across the world. But now I can't wait to go! I know I said I'd love to live in Europe, but China might be quite awesome as well. We're thinking about going to Beijing next year to look around and see the country once before I go live there.

The next morning (the 26th) we woke up and went to see the half of Prague we didn't see the first fay we were there. Our hotel was really close to both what we dubbed "the Beverly Hills of Prague" and the Jewish cultural center. After breakfast, we walked around the Jewish area, taking pictures of synagogues and etc. It was the same area where the Nazis coralled all the Jews into pogroms after Kristallnacht and before the concentration camps were built and there was still a lot of evidence of that history in the area. I didn't actually take many pictures there because I felt kind of weird taking touristy pictures in a place where a lot of people spent their last free weeks of life, but the few I have are on facebook and flickr. It was then, as we were leaving the area that a man stopped me on the street, looked at my maroon 'Howdy, we are the Aggies' shirt and said, "are you from Texas?" I said we were and he immediately exclaimed "I'm actually a horns fan, but it's so nice to see a friendly Texan face!" I laughed and we chatted for a moment before parting ways.

My dad joined us later that day (he hasn't been with us the rest of the trip) and we showed him the Jewish pogrom area, walked through the Beverly Hills shops (Burberry, Dolce & Gabbana, Cartier, Louis Vuitton, etc), then had a really late lunch/really early dinner at 4 pm. After that, we went to a really famous five-floor club in Prague even though it was pouring rain. We had to leave earlier than appreciated because we had to leave for the airport at 5:30 am, but it was fun.

Yesterday, unfortunately was all travel. I woke up at 4:30 am (Prague time-- about 8:30 pm CST) to be downstairs and ready to go by 5:20. We got on a plane to London and chilled there for about six hours. Luckily, there was plenty of free alcohol, good shopping, and (don't act surprised) Aggies to keep us amused. Because, yes, after running into six Texans during our trip, I FINALLY ran into two Aggies. It was pretty awesome. I got home pretty late, thanks to my good friend Kevin who was nice enough to come pick me up from the airport then take me to Sonic for American food. :]

Now, I'm unpacking, writing, probably going to Buon Giornio's and editing pictures for the rest of the night. I'll be attempting to stay awake until at least 9 pm to conquer jetlag. Hopefully going through the close to 700 pictures I took during five days of legit vacation will help in that endeavor. :)

Chicken Fried

“You know I like my chicken fried, cold beer on a Friday night, a pair of jeans that fit just right, and the radio on. Well, I was raised up beneath the shade of a [Texan] pine, and that’s home you know – sweet tea, pecan pie, and homemade wine, where the peaches grow. My house, it’s not much to talk about, but it’s filled with love and grown in Southern ground…”
-Chicken Fried, Zac Brown Band

Truth be told, I’m a Southern girl at heart. I was raised in the South, my kids will come to love the South someday, even if they never live there, and one of these days, I’ll be buried underneath that big open Texas sky.

That being said, I want to live in Europe for a little while. Long enough to really get a grasp on the culture and fit myself into it, to establish lasting friendships so whenever I visit I have a place to stay and friends to catch up with.

I know this is all very random, but I’m thinking about this because, honestly, only I could attract every Texan visiting the same countries as us everywhere we go. Sitting in the hotel lobby last night, trying desperately to get internet so my mom could tell the people she works with that no, she can’t make some meeting because she’s in freaking Germany, and a guy wearing a UT ring sat down next to me and said hi. We struck up a conversation, making jokes about each other’s respective schools and discussing what had brought him to Munich – apparently he just graduated from the UT business school and was celebrating by traveling between Switzerland, Germany, and Italy for a month. Alone. How incredibly bad ass is that?

[I’m sorry, but I have to interrupt my own story here to say that I just told my mom I was hungry and her response was “Here, have this,” and passed me a bottle of vitamins. Cool, thanks.]

Anyways, Dallas' story made me realize that I want to do nothing more than travel around alone at least once. I want to see places and do things on my own time, meet new people and be forced to speak and learn other languages. Maybe after college or during a summer? We’ll see.

Prague it up, baby!

June 20, 2009
Today, we arrived in Prague at about seven pm after a nine-hour flight to London, a four-hour layover, and another two-hour flight. My first impression of the country is one of beauty: I’ve already taken dozens of pictures since getting here and I can’t wait to take more. If only I’d gotten the Canon Rebel XSi before coming. :[ But my little Sony CyberShot will get the job done. And I will have the Rebel XSi in time for Buenos Aires for New Year’s Eve.

We stumbled across a little pub near the hostel where we’re staying and ate there around nine pm. The owner (we assume) looked surprised that American tourists had stumbled across his little place but served us great food and beer that we happily inhaled after so much less-than-delicious plane food. We paid in Czech crowns and called it a night. (A picture of the pub is below.)

June 21, 2009
So, apparently today is really the only full day we’re spending in Prague. But, what a full day it was.

After leaving the hotel at nine, the whole day was just go, go, go. We walked to the main squares in Prague, shopping as we saw shops that interested us (I got a quite fabulous bracelet, boots that should have been $200, but I only paid $45, and a scarf), going to open air markets that sold the freshest fruit and best candy I’ve ever had in my life (pictured left), talking with random locals and attempting to learn a few basic words in Czech, taking too many pictures on random benches and in front of random fountains (that's Mandy being very excited about Prague to the right), and finally making it to the main tourist attractions by around two.

We walked by the famous Astronomical Clock, getting very lost on the way there (but finding cute little churches and cafes during that time), ate a late lunch on the river, crossed the Charles Bridge (or Karluv rnost, pictured right and below) to St. Nicholas Church and Prague Castle. We didn’t go to the Frankz Kafka museum, which would have been cool, but the Castle (and the palaces surrounding it) amused us for too long. We didn’t get to go inside, but the courtyard was absolutely stunning – the private chapel and all the fences were gilded with gold, enormous statues were everywhere, and non-smiling guards were standing solemnly by. In fact, we tried to make them laugh, and someone succeeded, but I’m ashamed to say it wasn’t me. After seeing the castle and taking more pictures than will ever make it onto Flickr, Facebook, and this blog combined, we started wandering around, stopping at a Starbucks to listen to people speaking in dozens of different languages, going in search of a little bar I had spotted on the way that was serving free drinks if you were cheering for the right team during the football (soccer) match (Brazil v. Italy) but never finding it. Instead, we stumbled across a Hard Rock Café, which was extremely exciting. We went in and got a few drinks and hung out with out waiter, who was a cool blond Czech boy named Honsek (pronounced: On-seek), who encouraged me to try a Sex on the Beach, despite my misgivings about peach schnapps. The drink ended up making it onto my list of Top 5 Favorite Drinks. After that, we grabbed some pizza at a nearby restaurant (we wanted local food, not American food) and by the time we got finished there, it was past eleven and we started the thirty-minute walk back to the hotel.

All in all, it was a pretty great day; we’ve kept our phones off and avoided TV as much as possible, but one thing we’ve still been paying attention to is the whole mess in Iran because the two women traveling with my mom and I are actually Iranian. In fact, I just watched the video clip of Neda’s death (graphic – don’t watch if you have a weak stomach) on CNN and I’m realizing how out of control this whole situation is. Moussavi is preparing to become a martyr and encouraging his protestors to not lose their temper yet (supposedly – no one is sure since international media is barely allowed to report anymore and all our information comes from social networking sites) thousands are dying in Iran every day. I wish there was an easy solution to this whole situation, but there never is. There’s never an easy solution for anything. (Photo from: http://www.flickr.com/photos/son_of_persia/3652037011/ )