I want to transfer schools. There, I said it. I want to get out of College Station. I want to be at a school that I feel challenges me academically.
Really, honestly, I just want to go back to Dallas. I want to transfer to a school in the DFW area and live there surrounded by my friends and family and museums and things you do in a city and stop feeling like I’m going to break down in tears every day because I’m so miserable in this
city TOWN.
Except I can’t transfer because I have too many hours.
Well, that’s one part of it. One part that, two parts pride – I don’t want to admit that I chose wrong when I chose A&M. I want my Aggie ring. I don’t want to run back to home with my tail tucked between my legs. I don’t want to feel like I failed. I want to have made the right choice the first time for once in my life.
Also, I refuse to take a step down in the hierarchy of good schools. A&M is a damn good school. UNT? UTArlington? Texas Women’s? Not nearly on the same level as A&M. TCU and SMU are about the same level, but they’re private and I can’t/won’t pay that much for school. Again, pride. If I were going to transfer, it better be to a hot shot school, like Rice, or Tulane, or some other Ivy League-ish school. Not that those are cheaper.
Really, what I at this actual moment want is to be happy here.
This unhappiness is something new that’s cropped up in the last six months. I don’t know what prompted it. All I know is that since December, maybe November, I’ve wanted to get the hell out of here. I used to love A&M – Aggie through and through, blah blah blah, whatever. Now I want to burn this town to the ground. (FIGURATIVELY, NOT REALLY.)
I want a niche here. I want to feel like I fit in, like I have a solid group of friends.
I want to depend less on others for my happiness.
I want some big crazy change.
I want to stop thinking that moving to California will solve all my problems.
I do want to move to California though.
I want to stop going to bed with a heavy heart and waking up with tears already in my eyes because the alarm went off. I want to stop counting down the hours, minutes, and seconds until I’m back in Dallas.
I want, I want, I want.
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<3
ReplyDeleteLove you.
Optimistically, I'll have a car and apartment, so at least being able to escape CStat every so often might do you some good. And I'll also be able to visit you (as much as I hate it I will. :P)
Is it weird that I almost have similar regrets.
I say almost because I truly do like Rice, but after the shenanigans I encountered last semester, it kind of opened my eyes to its imperfection. I wish I had tried something different.
All in all though, despite how unhappy you are with it, and being unknowing of why you're unhappy, you can at least say you learned from the experience right? (<---attempt at optimism).
Also, unrelated altogether (because I have a certain dislike for it) I'd like to note that Tulane, despite being private and grouped with Rice due to size and style, is not considered Ivy equivalent. It'd be considered more par with TCU and SMU than Rice.
But yeah.
Hang in there. Remember we love you and will help you through best we can.
i kind of know how you feel. i want to transfer schools too. there's actually a mini campus of my same university in the town where my parents live. but what's keeping me going back to moscow is the relationships i've built up with some of the people there and one professor in particular.
ReplyDeletei just look forward to the future and knowning that i don't have to be there forever and in two ish years when i'm done with my degree I can move anywhere I want to, or truth be told anywhere the Prince Charming needs to be if I'm still with him because his job requires a bigger city.
but anything can happen. and you just have to actively decide where you want to be and once you make that decision stand by it. just make sure you do it for the right reasons because when that happens, you won't regret it.
I'm sorry you're unhappy. :( I wish I had more advice for you, but the ladies before me had pretty damn good words. So all I can offer is to maybe join some new clubs, meet new people, and remember that there are many people who love you. :) Maybe a group of us can visit you next semester- that would be awesome. I mean, I've never gone to a college football game still. So... :)
ReplyDeleteBut yeah. We love you and I pray for you to find things that make you happier!!!!
There's nothing wrong with you at all. There are a lot of small-town Texans that don't think there is life outside that town, or Texas. Both mine and my husband's families are from small-town Texas and they rarely come visit us. And there are grandkids involved now and they STILL don't like to leave the state. I've been gone almost twelve years and my husband left for the military 17 years ago and the visits are rare. For Pete's sake, we lived in ENGLAND... who wouldn't take the opportunity of just having to pay for plane tickets? Free place to stay, free food, free tour guides?? But not one person came to visit us while we lived overseas. I get it...you are feeling trapped and want to get out and experience life elsewhere. BUT... and as much as it pains a Longhorn fan to say... A&M IS a good school (shudder) and you should complete your studies there for that undergrad. If I remember correctly, you are pre-law? Search out law schools in locations you would like to explore. They have good ones all over the country.
ReplyDelete