Wednesday, June 30, 2010

What NOT to Get Me

My birthday is coming up in two weeks, which means a bunch of you lovely hos probably haven't bought me a present yet. So, I'm here to help you.

(Did I just call you lovely hos? Anyways.)

Now, I don't know what I want, because, I mean, let's face it: I NEVER KNOW WHAT I WANT EVER. We could get all deep and talk about how this applies to more than just birthday presents and extends to my whole life, but NO. We're talking about birthday presents because, well, I HAVE PRIORITIES, PEOPLE.

Since I don't know what I want though, here's a list of things NOT to get me:

1. Lip gloss. Or Chapstick of any sort. I don't wear lip gloss because my hair gets all stuck to it and then I look like a fool. Also, I lose chapstick like... I don't know what.

2. Body wash/perfume. First of all, do you guys think I smell? I have so much body wash lying around that I actually had to PUT SOME IN STORAGE, PEOPLE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW OUT OF CONTROL THIS IS?* Also, I'm way too damn picky about my perfume, so just don't waste your time and money. [This doesn't even kind of apply to lotion. I go through lotion like water. Maybe faster.]

3. Jewelry, unless you're Mr. Man, in which case: get me jewelry, love.** I'm sorry, I just feel weird getting jewelry from other people. Except bracelets. Bracelets are cool. I don't know. It's a quirk of mine. IT'S CUTE, OKAY?

4. Books. I love reading, really, I do, but, I mean, at least ask what is on my reading list first. Because like, yeah, my reading list is LITERALLY 189 books long and growing every day. I might love you forever for a Barnes and Noble gift card though.

5. Decorative pillows. Yeah, okay, they're cute and I like the ones I already have, but that's about a trillion and I never know what to do with them all because like, y'all never coordinate so they don't all match, and I only have ONE couch and ONE bed, people. This is really all your fault.

I guess whoever gets to them first can give me crayon lego men from this etsy shop. AREN'T THEY CUTE?!

Or, or, OR, the cupcakes. And that's all the help you get.

*This is mostly because some of my furniture is in storage. There's not just a storage unit with my name on it storing all my body wash. How intense would that be though?!

**You don't have to. You know, think for yourself. :)

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Experiences versus Numbers

My friend Katie tweeted this the other day: "i'm experiencing life. you're numbing yours. how's that working out for you?"

It got me thinking -- Why do we do this? I know of so m
any bloggers that have life lists or 101 in 1001 lists. Is it just our innate need to put things down in written form? Are we all obsessive planners?

And really, is there a difference? I'm not not experiencing life just because I have a list, am I? Does having a list take away some of the experience? Sure, it may take away some of the spontaneity (i.e. I know the next 25 books I'm reading), but I'm still experiencing it, right?

I think I have my lists partially because I'm an organizational freak and I'm in the middle of a time in my life where I'm seeking direction. I don't plan obsessively, but it's nice to think, "Oh hey, I should go to New Orleans this summer and cross #5 off my list and finally see that place like I've always wanted to!" Because I really don't know if/when I'd do it otherwise. Honestly I kind of think if I didn't have a list of shit I wanted to accomplish before I died (or whatever), I'd never get anything done. Also, though, I just really freaking love making lists.

That being said, here's an ultra glamorous life list (so far; it'll grow as I do, I'm sure). I don't know how or when any of these things will happen, but I'm going to make them happen when I can.

#1: Stay in a Hard Rock Hotel.

#2: Have drinks in an ice bar.

#3: Take a trip to Bora Bora.

#4: Travel alone.

#5: Be part of one of Improv Everywhere's No Pants Subway Rides

#6: Go to the Olympics.

Do you have anything you really really want to do in life?

Sunday, June 27, 2010



I've bought some new summer dresses and worn them a lot.
I've felt really disconnected from my own life.
I've been wearing my hair curly a lot.
I've asked myself a lot of questions and done a lot of introspection.
I've been reading a lot of books. The Geography of Bliss, by Eric Weiner, is my current one.
I've worked out quite a bit and have been getting back into yoga.
I've been spending a lot of time alone.
I've craved a trip to a museum.
I've been evaluating what I think people expect from me versus what I expect from myself.
I've obsessed over the idea of a trip to France. A lot.
I've reunited with old friends and made a lot of new ones.
I've been loving the website fuckyeahhpmeangirls.

I haven't been feeling sure of what I want out of my life.
I haven't gotten to see a lot of my closest friends in a while.
I haven't seen a movie in a long time.
I haven't stopped thinking about all the things I want to do with my life.
I haven't managed to sit still for more than ten minutes.
I haven't been able to stop eating fresh fruit and yogurt (but not together).
I haven't found a way to express exactly what I'm feeling.
I haven't written much. I hate that.

My parents have been super supportive of me.
My body has been a feeding ground for mosquitoes.
My friends have been really great.
My mind is really tired from the crazy amount of logic I've had to do.
My old partner in crime, the travel bug, has awoken from his long slumber and is demanding I pay attention to him.
My journal has been getting more use the past week than all the years I've owned it combined.
My life feels like it's going somewhere. I don't know where by I'm excited to be a part of it.

{partly inspired by this post by my teacups in peony.}

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Need everything in life be defined?


Love. It's this ridiculous, powerful emotion (or way of life?) that ties us all together; it is our one thing to bind us as a common race, yet it it remains so elusive and impossible to pin down and get a good look at.

But if we could look at it, examine it, hold it in our hand and name it's attributes, would we all see the same thing? It's different for all of us, I feel sure of that.

For me, being in love is about feeling just a little bit more alive when with that person. It's about feeling like there is excitement in every direction and that we could strike sparks anywhere. It's about having a universal sense that what we're doing is right.

To me, falling in love is finding someone who enjoys watching movies and cuddling on the couch as much as I do. It's about being with someone who wants to live as loudly, voraciously, and in the moment as I do. It's someone who laughs when I'm being crazy and holds me when I'm sad, and will let me do the same for him. Love is finding someone who is enthusiastic about a simple night hanging out with friends over pizza, and believes like I do that some things in life, like alcohol, sex, and friendships get better with intensity. Love is finding someone who can sometimes surprise you by knowing you better than you know yourself and can identify the smallest parts of your person and love them.

In a lover, I need a man that understands that there are always going to be things that I over-analyze, and he definitely can't scare easy. He needs to accept that the only things I'm sure about in life are my love of coffee, my love of hugs, and my need to write. He needs to understand that I have a weird thing about my wrists and they cannot be touched, and that there are some things I just have to do in a certain order. I need someone who can be vocal about his feelings for me and isn't afraid to hold my hand in front of his friends. I need someone who is spontaneous and will drag me along on his adventures when I'm being too cautious, and will also come along on my escapades. I want someone who can handle me, but won't try to tame me, and also understands that I may try to run, but I'll always come back.

I don't need someone who is thinking about the future too much because I'll be thinking about it enough for the both of us. And I need him to be okay with the fact that I'm going to do that. I don't need someone who will tell me I'm his world because he has a whole world of things that don't include me, just as I have a whole world of things that don't include him. At the foundation of all these definitions is a safe place; I need someone who will keep me safe in his heart, who will let me have a warm place to come home to. I want him to stand next to me, to block out the world when I can't handle it, face it with me when I can and say, "Bring it on."

How do you define love? Is there anything you need or look for?

This post has been brought to you in part by Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

In Which I Tell You Stuff You Already Know

I don't know if you've noticed, but I've totally noticed how obsessive I am. It's like a lot. Like uncontrollable. Like oh my god how did my parents EVER let me move out because my obsessions keep me from being able to properly take care of myself.

See, I've done these mental gymnastics that allow me to believe that as long as I'm drinking V8 splash with whatever I eat, it's totes cool if I have Laffy Taffys for dinner, also maybe as long as I maybe pair those with something healthyish like a fat free croissant or a slice of turkey. Because, yeah, cooking is way too time consuming or something.

Also, since I currently live alone (my room mate is in Peru on a medical mission trip), I basically nest in the living room, surrounded by clean laundry and blankets and books and my computer and the ridiculous amount of TV on DVD I've been watching. In the past threeish weeks I've watched three seasons of Sex and the City, two of Lie to Me, and one of Futurama. How I've had time for those between school and work is beyond me, but I've also fit in a few books and like, no, I haven't really hung out with a lot of people but that's because of how obsessive I am.

I think this is why I'm feeling like I'm stuck in a rut. I'm not sure which is the cause and which is the effect, but I do feel like everyone around me is doing something like getting engaged or married or having babies and while I don't really want to do any of those things I would like to be doing something other than watching TV and waiting tables.

Instead, I'll hang out with Cal Lightman and learn about microexpressions, which are totally real by the way, and this show makes my obsession with psychology about eleventy billion times worse and think about changing my major like A LOT. Also, I've noticed that once I write one blog post then I get all excited about writing more and then I'm like 'dude I should write like every five seconds' and then suddenly I have ten posts waiting to be posted and I'm no further in my story but like yeah, I did some writing that day.

What was I talking about?

Clearly, I fail at life.

Excuse me, I have to peace out. Futurama is on and I have some SweetTarts to eat and V8 juice to drink. Also, I need to finish typing up my post about my definition of love or something.


Sorry, Mom and Dad!

Monday, June 21, 2010

A Thought I Can't Get Out of My Head

Isn't there more to life than this?

Don't people expect more of my college career than to party a lot? More than to study hard? More than blog? More than gossip over ice cream or coffee and more than hang out with my boyfriend?

Isn't there more to life than my future career, my future husband, and my future children?

Is this really it? This can't be it, can it?

Friday, June 18, 2010

These Things Have Nothing to do With Each Other

I am ADD today and not even kind of in the mood for a coherent blog post that makes sense, so here's a collection of random things on my mind.

I would really like to take a bartending class. Like, a lot. How bad ass would that be? Except they cost aboouuut $600 here in DFW. What is this nonsense? Does anyone feel like sponsoring me to take this class? I'd love them forever. Also, free drinks.

Freelance writing also sounds pretty bad ass right about now. I quit my job waiting tables after about 5 weeks because I hated it (I refuse to drop out of school now, though) but some side money coming in from doing something I actually *like* to do would be nice. Anyone know of any sites/groups/whatevers looking for writers?

My cat is kind of being a whore these days. I mean, not really in the true sense of the word, but really in the she-keeps-biting-me-and-I-don't-like-it sense. You know? That skank.

This photo kind of makes my heart happy on a ridiculous amount of levels. Except, I really want him for myself, so part of that happiness is this intense outrageous jealousies that that bitch Emma gets to kiss him. Also, go to Brown U. Like, stop living my life now, please. Thanks. (I don't actually think she's a bitch. I hear she's quite the sweetheart, actually.)

I am obsessed with the phrase "living my best life." I'm not even totally sure where I heard it, but I did and now I can't stop thinking about it and how I can go about doing it. I'm thinking freefalling 150 feet is somehow involved.

Slightly related to the last: I'm kind of really damn sick of being jealous of everyone else's lives. Like, you know, Emma Watson's, and all my friends studying abroad right now, and uh... you get the point. Anyways, it's old. And I'm doing something to change that.

Monday, June 14, 2010

In Which My Friends Were Wrong and I'm Right But I'm Not Exactly Excited About It

First of all, yay for the longest blog title ever. Like whoa. Could I be anymore ridiculous?

Oh wait, yes, I could, because I'm pissed/hurt/confused that the exact thing my friends said was going to happen isn't, even though I didn't totally want it to happen from the beginning.

Hypocrisy for the win!

It's just... Mr. Man kind of up and decided that he doesn't want to get married until he's at least 28, which is fine, okay, whatever. Except it's a really long time from now and I'm not sure I'm okay with waiting that long.

And I know, I know, I shouldn't be planning my life like we're definitely going to get married and I'm trying not to, but it's hard not to think about these things in a relationship, especially since I've loved this kid since we were like 16.

I know 28 isn't old. And his reasons are actually pretty legit -- he wants to be done with school and be financially stable and he actually said like 26 at the earliest. And that totally makes sense. And a year ago (hell, four months ago) I was saying the same thing about my life.

I don't want to get married tomorrow or next year. Really. I never did. But now that he's taken the chance of that happening away, I'm upset about it. Which makes no sense... except it does, you know? I just don't know how to explain it.

I just said, "I'm not sure if I'm okay with waiting that long." That's a lie. I'm okay with waiting that long. I don't know if I'd leave him if he said he never wanted to get married. I mean, I want a wedding and all, that's true, but at the end of the day, I don't need a piece of paper from the government telling me that I'm in love and plan on spending the rest of my life with one person. I already know that, the government doesn't do anything but give me a tax break because I realized that.

Maybe I'm only upset about this because I had gotten used to the idea that I would probably be the first of my close friends to get married. On top of that, it feels like everyone around me is getting engaged and planning their weddings and I want that. And even if they're not taking the plunge, couples are moving in together. And I want that. Except Mr. Man is actually moving to California in December (yeah, not excited) and so that's kind of impossible. It's just hard to commute from Santa Barbara to College Station every day, you know?

Hey, maybe I can be like JLo in The Wedding Planner, planning everyone else's weddings? Or like Katherine Heigl in 27 Dresses, always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

God, I depress myself.

I probably need to start hanging out with my single friends more because at this rate I'm going to drive myself absolutely crazy. Or if not myself, at least Mr. Man.

One last thing: Please, please, please go check this out and tell me about an organization you care about! :) Thanks!

img cred.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Getting Down and Dirty ;)

Well, fictionally.

Here's the nitty gritty: Jennifer over at Chaos Wrapped in Chocolate-Covered Grins gave me what has to be *the most* amusing blog award ever. I'm not sure if she gave me this because she thinks I have excellent taste in fictional men (because, let's face, I SO DO) or because she wants to embarrass me when Mr. Man sees this and goes "Uh... honey?" but I am ALL. OVER. THIS.

THAT'S RIGHT. And as everyone else has mentioned -- look at Barbie. That is the definition of the phrase 'GET IT GIRL.' Anyways, so what I'm supposed to be doing here (other than making ridiculous jokes) is telling you about five fictional characters I'd get horizontal (down and dirty?) with, and then pass this on to five of you. Get. Excited.

C'mon, baby... img cred.

5. Danny Zuko from Grease. You are a LIAR if you try to tell me that this boy's hair and smile and suave singing/dancing wasn't the biggest turn on of the 90's. 80's? When was this movie made? I don't know, but I was obsessed with it when I was 8, which was in 1998 and yes, I can still sing every. damn. word of Grease Lightnin' and picture John Travolta dancing on top of the engine being lowered from the ceiling and, wow why did my mom let me watch that so much what I was 8 because YES, I UNDERSTOOD EVERYTHING THAT WAS HAPPENING. Seriously.

I mean, how could you choose? They're so cute! img cred.

4. Ross Geller and Chandler Bing from Friends. I don't know who I like better. I mean, can I just have them BOTH? That would probably be the most awkward three-some ever since they're brothers-in-law but clearly realistic aspirations are not my main concern here. I mean, they're both just adorable and wonderfully awkward and total nerds that have these adorable smiles and beautiful eyes. And they're so funny. I have a weird feeling that if we had a three-some, they may compete to see who could make me laugh the most after. Disagree? Screw you. :)

Cutest smile EVER? img cred.

3. Tom Hansen from (500) Days of Summer. I will never understand how Summer Finn didn't fall head over heels for Tom Hansen. I mean... really. REALLY? Like, he makes you legit mixed tapes and is cute and awkward and believe in real soul-shaking love, and oh yeah that was the problem, huh? Anyways. Tom. The boy who thought he'd never be happy until he found the one. Who threw his entirety into every relationship. Who rocks sweater vests and suits and skinny ties. And dancing down random streets. Who is romantic and passionate about real things like beautiful architecture and good music and listens to The Smiths, for crying out loud. Who drunkenly sings on stage to a pretty girl. Oh, Tom, you are awesome.

Oh, you beautiful nerd, you. img cred.

2. Riley Poole from National Treasure. I cannot tell you how many times I've tried to convince Mr. Man he needs to wear connies with his suits because of Riley (this hasn't worked... YET!). I mean, I'll be honest, I have a thing for insanely smart but awkward geeks with pretty eyes or award winning smiles (or both), and Riley Poole (Justin Bartha) totally has both. Like, hi. Like, wow. Like... Marry me? (Just kidding, Mr. Man. Maybe. We'll see.) Like, I'm probably going to have to go watch this movie now. Because, I mean, hello Riley/Justin. I know Ben Gates got the blonde German, but there are other blondes out there (ME). ;)

Uhm.... hi. Please smile at me someday. img cred.

1. Ron Weasley from the Harry Potter series. I'd also settle for Rupert Grint. Except it wouldn't be settling because, HELLO!? SWOON. I fell head over heels obsessed with Rupert in the first Harry Potter movie and have loved Ron Weasley since the first book; they are the root of my redhead fetish. I mean, I considered studying abroad in Ireland in hopes of meeting him, getting drinks at a pub together, and falling madly in love. I'm not quite sure where I think Weasley ends and Grint begins, but I don't care because Weasley is red headed and afraid of spiders and so is Grint and also OWNS HIS OWN ICE CREAM TRUCK. Yeah, I'm determined to marry one of them. Also, we're actually like ALMOST THE SAME AGE, so this has a chance. Swoon. Swoon swoon swoon swoon swoon. :)

Whew. Okay. -sigh- Let's all take a moment to cool off after all that sexy.

Ready? All right, here are my five sexy bloggers who should totally do this list so we can giggle and blush some more.

1. Katie @ Happy
2. Allison @ Take Me or Leave Me
3. Rachel @ And if it's a hero that you want, I can save you
4. .{Miss Vintage Vixen}.
5. Cyndi @ Hope is a Waking Dream
Runner-Up: Natalie @ My Life's Graffiti

One last thing: Please, please, please go check this out and tell me about an organization you care about! :) Thanks!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

30 Things I Vow To Do This Summer

I've kind of been thinking about this in my head for the past few days, so to have Mama Kat have it as one of her prompts this week was super exciting!

Without further ado, my 30 intentions for this summer.
1. Wear sunscreen
2. Write every day
3. Read books
4. Eat fresh watermelon
5. Take more pictures
6. Be in more pictures
7. Go to a flea market
8. Do some kind of bungee jumping/free-falling type thing
9. Go out for snocones
1o. Go on a boat at least once
11. Enjoy my 20th birthday
12. Do something awesome for Mr. Man & I's 2nd 6 month anniversary
13. Meet one online friend in real life
14. Hang out outside
15. Spend time with my family
16. Ride a ferris wheel
17. Learn to play poker
18. Swim in the ocean
19. Hike
20. Grill
21. Turn the computer off more often
22. Eat popsicles with friends
23. Get a tan
24. Get my sunglasses fixed
25. Play guitar some
26. Take pictures in a photobooth
27. Go to a museum
28. Roadtrip
29. Have fun
30. Laugh

What's on your list?

One last thing: Please, please, please go check this out and tell me about an organization you care about! :) Thanks!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Have You Ever...?

Have you ever noticed that if you think you're in a bad mood, you will be?

Have you ever marveled that laughter can make you feel better, no matter what?

Have you ever decided to smile and have it actually cheer you up?

Have you ever been overjoyed by how one comment can turn your day around?

Have you ever wondered what comes next?

Have you ever realized that the more you love someone, the more you worry about them?

Have you ever felt like hugging just about everyone EVER?

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Girls vs Women

At what point do you stop being a girl and become a woman?

That sounded so awkward.

It's just, recently, I've been understanding what the hell Britney Spears was talking about with that song "I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman." I used to not get it, you know? I always thought it was like you went to sleep one night a girl that knew nothing and you woke up the next morning and suddenly you were this successful and wise woman and it was just easy and yay.

Except now I'm stuck in this weird place in my life where I'm not a little girl, but I'm definitely not any sort of wise woman either. It's this awkward stage where I'm somewhere in the middle, not quite sure which category I fit in.

Some days I'm all throwing a tantrum over the smallest things and other days I'm all mature and being responsible. Some days I'm in a pigtails and t-shirt mood and other days I feel like a classy summer dress and heels. There's nights like Sunday night when the girl in me is overjoyed about something as simple as kicking (her boyfriend's) ass at bowling, then there's times when the woman in me is all knowing what she wants and is ready to get married and raise kids of her own.

Or is that the girl in me?

I'm so confused.

There needs to be a term for girls/women my age. I mean, really, I would like to fit into a category so I can stop feeling like I need to pick one of the other ones. Anyone with me?

Let's think of a name for this stage of our lives. Ready go.