Oh hey, it's almost March. That's cool.

Holy wow, guys - its almost March! And true to my list of goals for February, I've decided to offer up sponsors spots here at Simply, Valorie for the month of March. I really believe that putting up a few ads out here in the blogosphere can dramatically up your readership and your subscribers; I believe that because it has absolutely happened to me. My views per day has skyrocketed in the last few months since I started putting up a few ads, and it doesn't show any signs of slowing down.

In the spirit of transparency: The money I make doing this will go directly into me advertising on other blogs (ads for both Simply, Valorie and Valorie Clark Photography). I think everyone likes to know where their money is going right?

So here's what I've got going on:

Sponsor spotlight posts will go up on the 15th of the month (or the Monday directly following). And your ads totally don't have to be pink to go up (but if they are, props). 

Sound like something you'd be interested in? Sweet.  Get in touch with me here: valorielovely {at} gmail {dot} com.

Also? I'm always available for guest posting and writing reviews! Just email me if you're interested.

Valentine's heart shaped cakes, invincible summers, and how much of a bitch our internal voice can be

 {via.}

Back in 2010, I talked a lot about the Darkness. I went through a pretty rough time back then, and even though I did again this past fall, I didn't want to talk about it as much to my friends, to my family, and to you guys.  That was a bad decision. I should have opened up. I should have made it clear how much I was hurting. I should have asked for help.

There was one person I turned to. In September, I started seeing a therapist. It was hard, because my family had always seemed like a strictly don't-need-outside-help family. But by turning to a complete stranger, I discovered something I probably never would have found out otherwise: I was not the first person in my family to see a therapist, and I won't be the last.

But those stories aren't mine to tell.

It was such a relief to know I had my family's support behind me though, because what I learned next made me realize that I needed, and still need, all the support available to me.

As my therapist got to know me, he sent me to a psychiatrist. He dropped hints for why, but it wasn't until the psychiatrist said "Do you know what Bi-Polar Disorder is?" that I realized I was being diagnosed with something significant and long-lasting.

I didn't tell anyone what they told me immediately. I needed to digest it on my own; I didn't want anyone else's opinions influencing what I thought. A couple weeks later, I started reaching out to people, but abruptly stopped again. I was told, by a well-meaning individual, to stop sharing. That this disorder was something no one else should know about me, because it would change what they thought of me.

Well, to hell with anyone who's opinion has changed. Because, frankly, this is who I've been for a long time; longer than most people have known me.

I will be honest: learning that I have Bi-Polar scared the hell out of me at first.  BUT when I thought about it, I realized it explained so much:

• The writing sprints I went on during  high school where I didn't sleep for nights in a row but instead stayed up writing then went to school the next day, not tired at all.
•  The crushing weeks at a time when I didn't want to have friends anymore and only went out because I felt obligated.
• In college, my total inability to get out of bed for anything for weeks, followed by weeks when I would not only go to class but would participate, would do all my work for the whole semester, and still find time for friends.
• My weird habit of making tons of friends and keeping up with all of them for a while, followed by pushing them all away and cutting them out by any means possible.

So, I'm not really any different now, except that I know what's going on, and I know why. Though BPD is scary (and anyone who has it knows why), it's such a relief for me to know, because now I feel like I can handle it.

In late September, I hit a low point. I came out of it by late November/early December but I knew that it would come back for me soon because of the stress of moving. I hit an up cycle in early January, and it lasted until the crushing frustration of not having a real place to live and feeling a little unwelcome in DC. After weeks of seeing ALL THE APARTMENTS, there were several days when all I had the energy to do was sit on my friend's couch, watching reruns of Bones, and eating Valentine's heart shaped cakes.

Now that I have a place to live and a little furniture to sit on, I'm doing a little better. I'm still a little lower than normal, mood-wise, but I can make myself get out of bed, and I'm not going through a box of cakes a day. My feelings are still hurt more easily than normal, and I'm incredibly sensitive to rejection: two symptoms that I know mean I'm not doing well.

But I know things will level out soon. I'll feel better as spring and then summer comes, and maybe I'll hit a manic stage where I want to DO ALL THE THINGS and GO TO ALL THE PLACES, but things will chill out again. And now that my boyfriend knows, a few of my friends know, and my family knows, there are people who can bring my attention to what's going on when I don't notice it myself.

So I guess what I'm trying to say here is this: Acknowledging that something is going on is hard; seeing a therapist for the first time was hard. But it's harder to do battle on your own. Because when you have depression or bi-polar disorder, it is a battle -- it's a daily battle to not listen to the voice in your head that tells you that you're not good enough, to just give up, to withdraw or to do something stupid. It's feeling like you're stuck out in the cold alone, with only the terrible things you tell yourself when you're at your worst to keep you company.

That voice in your head is a bitch some times. And frankly, a liar.

So you need your back up. If people tell you not to tell, don't listen to them. Always tell. Tell someone what you're feeling. Even if you think they won't care. Even if you've never met them. Hell, tell me. In fact, I'd love for you to tell me, because then we can fight this together.

And if people's opinions of you change, fuck them. Chances are, this has always been part of your personality, at least a little. Don't let the fear of judgment stop you from taking care of yourself. As Albert Camus once said, "In the middle of winter I at last discovered that there was in me an invincible summer."

Find that invincible summer. And if you can't, let someone help you.

Fill in the _____ Friday - 2.17.2012

1.  The love of my life is    myself. For now. If I get married, that my change, but if I'm being honest, I love myself more right now - I think we all have to love ourselves before we can truly love someone else.

2.   Falling in love is    finding someone who loves to coddule on the couch and watch movies as much as I do .

3.  Marriage is    something I look forward to (someday), but it makes me nervous. I guess I take the idea of marriage very seriously, and I don't want to screw it up. I want to be sure, you know?

4. The longest relationship I've ever had was   all at once? A yearish. I did the on and off game for like four years with one guy, but there were such long gaps between ons and offs, it felt like several different relationships .

5. The key to a good relationship is   being open and honest with each other .

6. I feel loved when    he does something nice that I don't expect - sending me a sweet text message, buying me flowers for no reason, etc .

7.  My favorite quote about love is   ...huh. I don't actually know that I have one. Maybe Marilyn Monroe's: "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best." I think that's good way to put every relationship in perspective, for everyone .

 

Did you guys link up with Lauren? If so, let me know! I want to read your blanks this weekend!

Also, if you missed it (hmm, new readers?) I promise to be back Monday Tuesday with a new REAL post actually written by me. It's been a long time coming, and while I'm nervous about unveiling it I can't wait for you to read it. So see you Tuesday! 

 

Have a great weekend. Enjoy your Monday off, Americans. :)

Guest Blogger! Miss Amanda Jill & The Windy City

Hey guys! I want to give a big thank you to everyone who helped me out by contributing as a guest blogger while I was moving, as well as all the wonderful people I've gotten to exchange emails with as they've been introduced to my blog for the first time through these great bloggers. I've enjoyed reading all the comments, and hearing about a lot of my friends' coolest adventures. So seriously, thank you. You've made this move a little less crazy and a little more fun. 

That said, I will be back starting next week. Actually, starting tomorrow with Fill in the Blank Friday, but I've got a good post coming up for you guys next Monday that I've been working on for a while - so come back to check on that. 

ANYWAY. This last guest post is written by one more fellow Aggie (I've already had Jacob and Amy) - Amanda Jill. I never got to meet her in person while at A&M because it's such a huge school, but I've enjoyed reading about her life, her take on College Station, and now her big move to Chicago. I hope you guys love her just as much. Drop her a line, why don't you? :)

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You know that song, "She's gone country?" My life is just like that, except completely opposite. I'm a twenty-two year old designer from deep in the heart of East Texas that made a journey to the big city of Chicago. Here's a sliver of how I ended up here and my thoughts thus far. enjoy! 

It was a question I had become all too familiar with. "What are you going to do after graduation?" Well, you know what, I didn't know -- I still technically don't and I've come to realize that it's okay. 

I recently graduated from Texas A&M University (as well as miss Valorie) and had no clue where my life would take me. I had gotten so tired of people asking my what my plans were. I almost made a shirt simply so I didn't have to answer that dreaded question ever, ever again. 

Well here it is guys, I graduated from a prestigious university to move to an unfamiliar city and... work at a bar. Yeah, you heard me. I moved to the big city of Chicago from the middle of nowhere, Texas just over a month ago to serve people food and beverages. I love it so far. The first couple of weeks of city life were overwhelming. I only knew a total of one person and had never even been to this city until stepping off the plane. 

What might you ask caused me to pack two suit cases and take off on a plane to a city I'd never even been to? Good question. I'm still not really sure, but I can tell you that I'm glad I did. Although I'm a college graduate living as a "struggling artist," I'm learning more than I'd ever imagined. It's times like this that matter most. When I'm 45 years old and telling my children about my life story I can't wait to tell them about my adventures in Chicagoland. 

When I'm not working at the bar, I'm freelancing from home. It's a nice balance. I get to meet new and interesting people, which is always an exciting experience, but still get to design.  

If someone asked me 6 months ago (maybe even 2 months ago) what my plans were, i'd have never  said, "Oh I'll be a graduate and working in Chicago at a local bar!" With that being said, I wouldn't change it for anything (okay that's a stretch… there are some really awesome things I might trade it for). I have no idea how long my journey in Chicago will last, but for now it's what I've come to love. If you find yourself in the city, hit me up! 

 i'm amanda jill. i'm a recent college grad from texas a&m. i'm a big design nerd and have learned to openly admit it. i love bright colors, shiny things, ampersands and straws. check out my blog and design work at www.theamandajill.com. oh and i tweet (sometimes about random, stupid things) but follow me anyway -- @theamandajill. who doesn't love new friends? plus i'm awesome. 

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Thanks again to all my guest posters. I appreciate the crazy out of you guys. :) <3

In case any of you missed them, here they all are again: Amanda from Teasingly Diverse on starting over in Tennessee; Jennifer of Chaos Wrapped in Chocolate-Covered Grins talking about her move to England; Amy, the author behind Crazy Random Happenstances talked about keeping courage in the face of hard decisions; and Jacob from La Vie Quotidienne dropped by to write about his big move to CHINA that happened YESTERDAY. Again, it was all great stuff and I love them all for it.

See you kids on Monday. :)

Guest Blogger! Jacob on moving to China!

So, you guys remember my adventures in China, right? I moved there for three months? It was crazytown... Any of this ringing any bells? No? Fine, here.

Anyway. This was written by my good friend Jacob. We went to school together, we've traveled a lot together, we studied Mandarin together, and now, he's going moving to China like I did! He's leaving today and won't be back until May. Crazytown! Anyway, give him some love and support - if he's feeling at all like I did when  I moved, he's going to need it!

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I've recently come to the realization that you don't really fully consider a move until right before leaving. The last move I made to another country occurred when I was 8 and moving with my family to the Netherlands so that my dad could take an international job assignment with his company. Not only was I too young at that age to understand what was going on, I also had my family with me, which defrayed the fear of it all. Now, at the age of 21, fully able to comprehend the results of my actions, I have finally reached the last week or so before moving to Shanghai all by myself for 3 months. It is both extremely empowering and utterly terrifying.

While most friends I know study abroad over the summer, I decided to study abroad this semester in China because I was ahead of my degree plan and didn't want to graduate a semester early because I have no idea what I'm doing with my life (I don't want to grow up if you aren't able to tell). I first chose to go to Shanghai rather than Beijing because I've already been to Beijing and have contacts there. I wanted the opportunity to branch out and create a community in another Chinese city. You never know when it will come in handy. I leave on Valentine's Day (I know, depressing), and will be working at Shanghai Family Health Hospital and Clinics. I have the exciting tasks of research, preparing and participating in fundraising events, and speaking with NGOs that work with the hospital to write program proposals for their needs. Pretty cool, right?

I saw this opportunity to go to China as a blessing, a chance to experience a change of pace from the usual college life I was used to. I was still surrounded by my friends every day, taking classes, and living my life when I made this decision. This internship is going to look so good on my résumé, I thought to myself. I'd gain some experience, then be back with my friends in Texas in the blink of an eye. It wasn't until everyone went back to school for the spring semester and I did not that my tune changed. This period has acted as a transition before moving; I'm not in a foreign country yet, but I am having to deal with life without my friends. As much as I hate to admit that I am afraid of anything, this has been a scary process. Having to leave friends that I just met this semester has been difficult because our new relationships will have to be temporarily disrupted. Leaving my close friends has been even harder. I've been haunted by thoughts like, what if I can't find friends in Shanghai, or even worse, what if my friends back home move on without me while I'm gone? I've even wondered if, on the flip side, I'll want to come back when my 3 months are up. It has been an incredibly trying time for me. But at the end of the day, I'm going to China, there's no denying or changing that. There's no use freaking out about what if's when they'll only create even more fear. I've accepted the fact that in order to grow as a person, I need to go to China and experience life on my own. There will be hardships, but there will also be great achievements and adventures. After countless sleepless nights fretting over my insecurities, I am ready to pack my bags and get on that plane. I am ready for whatever these 3 months will hand me, and even more ready for the period of self-discovery and progress that is waiting for me. 加油！

Jacob is a student at Texas A&M majoring in International Studies. This is mainly how he and Valorie met. But the real essence of their friendship can be summarized by their mutual experiences with 13 hour delays in Hotlanta, pub crawls, and rants over ineffective language instruction. Oh, and New Girl. Jacob blogs at La Vie Quotidienne. You can also follow him on twitter @olivezzzz. He loves cooking, traveling, and meeting new people!