I have an emotional hangover. Because Vegas.

I had no idea what to expect when I signed up for Bloggers in Sin City. I mean, "I knew" because there was an itinerary and you know, all the #BiSC tweets from last year and the year before that, so on, etc. But I was nervous - would I fit in; would I have fun; are these people all going to think I'm too young or too weird or too not-a-serious-enough-blogger to be here?

 I feel like I make this face 99% of the time.

But then I moved in with a fellow BiSC-uit, and through a few brunches met several other BiSC-uits, and suddenly the overwhelming nerves tempered down to only some kind of nerves and by the time our limo arrived at the Flamingo, I was just BELLIGERENTLY EXCITED.

What happens when you put a bunch of bloggers together in a limo? They instagram it, of course.

I don't know what it is about BiSC that creates deep emotional bonds between so many people who were basically strangers before the weekend. Is it that it's four days fueled by debauchery and laughter, or is it because it is full of the type people who would sign up to spend 4 days with a bunch of other strangers and LOVE IT? What combination of awesome people and awesome circumstances makes me cry at a brunch listening to wonderful people say even more wonderful words about all their feeeeelings?

Whatever magic comes together and makes it happen (I'm thinking glitter + 8 second hugs + Nicole & Doni's sheer willpower), I have never walked into a group and felt so instantly comfortable and loved. Between all the 8 second hugs and ALL THE EATING and all the photos together and whiskey tasting (whiskey! tasting!) BiSC was easily one of the best weekends of my life, and some of the most fun I think I've ever had. 

To go margaritas, beautiful weather, and some of the most fun people on the internet? I'm all about that life.

Pool day is the best day.

4 of the many DC bloggers. Reppin' the District in style, obvs.

Largest whiskey collection in the US. I want to go to there... again.

Our sampling. Blackberry whiskey? Delicious. The Knot? Like a warm Christmas hug in my mouth. 

And now? Now I have this bizarre emotional hangover in which I can't believe I'm not in Vegas anymore surrounded by 68 of the most amazing people ever and I just CAN'T DEAL WITH EVERY DAY LIFE, Y'ALL.  It's more than missing the planned all-you-can-eat brunches and gift bags full of goodies from Firmoo, Vega, and others and playing in the pool and using our badges to bypass the line at Pure (though those things I'll definitely miss). I can't find the words to explain the magic and the warmth of BiSC that makes people feel like they are free to be the most honest and wonderful versions of themselves -- because that's definitely true. Four days of completely genuine, lovely people all telling each other how genuine and lovely everyone is.

Sometime when I wasn't looking, I learned a lot this weekend. But the biggest takeaway I've got to offer is this: If you want to be part of amazing things (like BiSC), you've got to be brave enough to sign up for them. The moment you open yourself up to the possibility of amazing friendships and experiences, they're available to enjoy. 

And now I have to stop because FEELINGS AND TEARS. I LOVE AND MISS ALL OF YOU BISC-UITS. 

The 2012 EFF YEAH! list

Anyone who has been around a long time knows that at the end of every year I like to make an EFF YEAH list that celebrates accomplishments big or small, and anything worth celebrating. It's fun to look back at the year and think DUDE. I DID ALL THIS.

In no particular order and with links to more details included where possible, here is the 2012 EFF YEAH list:

Moving to Washington DC
Starting a wildly neurotic and detailed life planning system that I love
Beginning to learn French
Beginning my Life List
Living alone in a bad ass apartment in DC
Incorporating my gutsy wedding photography business
Shooting four weddings and numerous portrait shoots.
Traveling to California, Texas, and Arkansas to see family and friends
Learning to say 'no' and to stand up for myself

Finishing the Joy Juice prompts and feeling AWESOME because of them - I highly recommend them!*
Writing my personal manifesto
Finishing the 101 in 1001 list
Buying a 50 mm lens
Doing a crazy but awesome juice cleanse and starting to take my health seriously
Donating my hair 

Working a random job for a few months
Managing to learn some really cute but fake calligraphy
Sending cards/presents for birthdays, holidays, etc.
Becoming a barista, then starting to teach others to be good baristas

Realizing that I want to be a teacher or professor someday

Deciding to go back to grad school, though it will take me a long time to get there
Meeting internet friends in real life
Reading countless numbers of fantastic books
Starting to save money to go backpacking 

Did I accomplish everything I wanted to in 2012? In short: No. Do I regret that? Eh, some of them. For instance, I really want to go bungee jumping but I'm TOO FREAKIN' SCARED to even book it! I signed up for a 5k, trained for it, then was too sick on race day to get out of bed. But what I did accomplish? Totally worth all the things I missed.

But for the most part, I like where 2012 has gotten me. And I think it's okay to say that. If you were around last January, you know that what comes next in my crazy life planning bucket list system is my goal-setting for 2013. But that's for another post.

Happy New Years, everyone! Have a wonderful, fun, crazy (and safe) night tonight! See you all in January.

*Affiliate link. Just saying. Don't hate lawyer peoples. 

doing things that scare you, growth, and the tricky concept of bravery

The first time I heard the phrase "Fake it 'til you make it," I was 17 and giving my first speech in my high school speech class. Since my complete paralyzing fear of talking in front of my peers was obvious to anyone with eyes or ears, that was basically what my speech was about - that I was shaking and my face was a disturbingly tomato-like shade of red and I hated this and I never wanted to do this again ohmygodgoodbyeforeverhyperventilate.

When I was done, my friend (bless him) raised his hand, lied to my face, and said he couldn't tell I was nervous. "Fake it 'til you make it," my teacher said, and winked. I sat down, was baffled that I got an A on that speech, and promptly shook during every speech I gave after (and to this day).

But I tremble less now, and my face only turns pink instead of that-girl-is-going-to-explode-red. And that's only true because I've had to speak in public since then. A lot more than I'd like, and just enough to be starting to get used to it. And all those talks forced me to face the fact that public speaking isn't as bad as I built it up to be in my head. Yes, really.

I never would have described myself as brave. I still probably wouldn't now, but I learned when I was 17 that we shouldn't be so afraid of half of the things that scare us. That really we've just built them up in our heads as these unconquerable, terrifying things when they're probably not.

When I left for China, I was scared. I cried on the plane -- twice. When I first moved to DC, I think I trembled for approximately two weeks straight. Hell, I used to be completely neurotic and freaked out about talking to a guy I liked. That scene in Friends when Monica asked Chandler what's the worst that could happen if he asked a girl out and he replied, "I could die!" -- yeah, I've believed that.*

But I've done all of those things anyway, and as terrified as I was, I enjoyed them. Being forced into uncomfortable situations gave me two options: Freak out and give up, or do it anyway and get over it along the way. Fake it 'til I made it. And now that I've done them, they don't seem so scary. By extension, a whole lot of other things don't seem so scary -- things like going backpacking, continuing with grad school, moving abroad permanently.

I don't know if this makes me brave, but I know those things aren't unconquerable. Little is, really. And if this shy, quiet, still-turns-red-when-more-than-two-people-look-at-her-girl can conquer living in China, moving across the country, and asking out a cute guy, then maybe there's hope for everything else too.




*In case you've never watched that scene, here's a clip, which is hilarious:

the realization that whether I got here by fate or choice doesn't matter. what matters is that I'm here.

I haven't been around much the past two weeks - the last two posts (1, 2) were pre-written and scheduled; they were thoughts pre-thought out, feelings pre-felt.  If that makes sense. Maybe it doesn't, it's 2 am as I write this after all.

It hasn't just been the blog I've been absent from; I've been absent from life a little. I've been avoiding friends, avoiding family, avoiding bonding too much with my new coworkers, avoiding being with anyone and everyone as much as I can until I figure my own shit out.

I've been so absent because I've been so angry. Those feelings that went live Monday - the frustration, the homesickness - those were real feelings that I'm still feeling, probably just as much as two weeks ago when I originally wrote them, but for different reasons now. But that's not why I'm here.

I'm here to talk about the why - I was mad at myself, as I mentioned, for having made a mistake. I perceived - correctly or not - that I had moved across the country for a relationship that didn't work out, as well as a slew of other decisions that seem questionable in hindsight. I ignored the Valorie of December 2011, who had actually made the choice to move. The one who had been excited about an internship in DC, and who was moving here for the internship, not the boy. That the boy was moving to DC too was convenient and exciting, but not planned. That the internship turned out badly was unfortunate, but not something I could have guessed.

Everyone does the best they can with the information they have, right?

I was trying to comfort myself by repeating to myself, 'It'll all work out - these things happen for a reason.' Then one day I just stopped and I wondered: "Do they happen for a reason? I mean, DO THEY?" I was angry - had fate or my own choices led me to a point in life that I was so angry about? Were those options - fate and choice - mutually exclusive?

As the few people I really talked to during that time can tell you - this was all I could think about. It was all I could talk about. I was a woman possessed - did fate lead me to DC? Were these experiences mapped by some sort of otherworldly puppeteer? OR, did my own judgement - good or bad - get me here? Do my future decisions actually change anything or am I just going to do what someone else planned for me anyway?

You know what I realized? That honestly, really truly absolutely HONESTLY: It doesn't fucking matter. It doesn't matter if fate or choice led me here. It doesn't make these experiences less real, it doesn't change what I've learned about myself, and it doesn't change who I am going forward.

Because at the end of the day I did something. I graduated from college and I did something with my life.

What difference does it make if it was predestined? What about if it wasn't?

We only have one life. Even if you believe in reincarnation, you still only have ONE LIFE as this person, in this body. And if you spend all your time wondering if the big moments in your life are shaped by your choices or by a puppeteer's, you're going to miss the important part - the LIVING part. 

The HOW? The WHY? Those may be important questions - but don't let them consume you. The answers only matter minimally - how you got here, why, they don't matter nearly as much as the fact that you are here. Right now. Something - who cares why - may change tomorrow, so don't worry about it too much.

Do something. Just, go do something. If it was destiny, it was destiny. If it wasn't, it wasn't. It doesn't matter, as long as you just do something.

the one with the manifesto.

For a little over a year now, I have been trying to write a manifesto for myself. As someone who loves living life with intention, having a manifesto that really goes over the things that are most important to me was something I really wanted. Plus, I knew that putting my values down on paper would help me come back to them later if for some reason I was feeling out of touch with myself.  After loads of tweaking and rewrites and really evaluating what I think is the most important to me, I've come up with this. 

~

{via}

You are a creative person.  You are a creative person in a lot of different ways – stop doubting that and embrace it. Stop it with the safety nets and the Plan Bs and the approval seeking. Just go be you. Be yourself. After all, no one can ever tell you that you’re doing it wrong.

Forget everyone else’s expectations of you. Live up to and then beat out only your own.

On that note, stop comparing yourself to other people. You are on your path and they are on their path. In this life, it’s you versus you, not you versus them. Everything in the world has been done before, just not – and this is the important part – in quite the way you will do it.

Finish things. When you set goals for yourself, do them. Set a few goals for yourself every day, and complete a few goals every day. Remember that it’s okay if you don’t always finish everything. Life happens.

Be careful to not over-schedule yourself. You need some time to breathe, remember?

Don’t worry about being good at ALL THE THINGS. Pick a few things and be good at them. It feels good to be good at things, and that is good, not vain. When you’re in a rut, remember the things you’re good at and go do one of them. It will make you feel better.

You are your own wildly passionate person, but you aren’t perfect. So stop pushing yourself so hard, honey. There are going to be days when your only goals are to eat and get out of bed. And that’s okay. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Stop collecting so much stuff. You have small hands, remember? In a fire, you’re only going to be able to grab so much on your way out. You probably don’t need much more than those things.

Go outside more often. Remember outside? You like it there. Do something you like everyday. Try to have it be something other than taking a nap, but it’s okay if it’s napping sometimes.

Take a few minutes to plan your day, every day. When things go wrong, stop worrying. Worrying about the problem doesn’t fix it, it just stresses you out. Take a deep breath, then fix it.

Cancel everything when an amazing opportunity arises. Lunches and writing sprints and work can be rescheduled. Pursue growth, pursue love, pursue laughter. Grab life with both hands. You will never regret trying; you will regret having to wonder.

Some things are hard. Sitting up straight, being brave, and asking for help are among those things. But sit up straight, be brave, and ask for help anyway.

Here are some things that are easy to do: Playing with dogs. Reading a lot. Writing a lot. Dance offs in the bathroom. Taking photos. Laughing loudly. Keep doing those things. There’s no such thing as “too much” of those things.

Do easy things and hard things every day. Life’s a balance. 

Go ahead and drink good liquor. You’ll have a headache either way; might as well like the taste that gets you there.

Eat good food too. And try to eat more Good For You Food. You don’t have the metabolism of a 14-year-old soccer player/cheerleader/swimmer any more, so don’t eat like a 14-year-old soccer player/cheerleader/swimmer any more. Respect your body. Mom says you’ll thank yourself for that later. She’s right a lot of the time, so go ahead and listen now.

Her opinion is one of the few opinions that really matters to you. Hers and a small handful of other people. Listen to those people, and ignore every one else. Nod politely, if you have to. But at the end of the day, you’re the only one you have to answer to. Remember that.

Spend twenty minutes every day doing nothing. Call it meditation if you like. Just stare at a wall every day for twenty minutes and let your mind go where it will. This also makes you feel better, and it opens your mind to more creative thoughts.

Stop checking your email in bed. There are better ways to start and end your day.

You know those things you want to do? Stop talking about them, stop reading about them. There is a point when you’ve read and analyzed and thought too much. Stop talking about it and go do it. Just go do it.

Do things you dream about until you almost don’t like them anymore. Then stop. Take a break. It’s okay to take breaks. But then start doing them again. Do them until there’s nothing left to do; Do them until you can finally step back, take a deep breath, and be proud of what you’ve done.

Then go do something else you can be proud of.

Remember: People can choose freedom or be chained to a life they don’t like. You chose freedom.

the resolutions, being honest, and the desire to be furiously proud of myself this year.

{via}

I noticed that most bloggers have already done their first 2012 post. Everyone's talking about resolutions, and their plans and dreams for this new year, this blank slate.

I didn't have anything to say at first. In part because I'm not the best at coming up with interesting resolutions, but also because when I was really reviewing 2011 in my mind to start thinking about 2012, I realized that there's not a lot from the year that I'm furiously proud of. There aren't many memories from 2011 that make me want to dance, or that I want to brag about to other people.

The things that I am furiously proud of: Meeting and getting together with my boy, and everything that comes with our relationship. Establishing VCP. Graduating.

Beyond these things, much of 2011 felt very 'eh?' I avoided talking much about it here because I felt like I've said a lot of what I feel comfortable saying already, but occasionally things slipped out on twitter.

That freaked me out, honestly. 2011 hadn't been a total waste obviously, but why was there so little I was proud of? I started out with good intentions, and decent resolutions, but not a lot manifested out of that. And I realized: It's because I wasn't intentional with it. I just went into 2011 thinking, "Okay, this is what I'm changing rightthissecond for the whole year aaaaand... DONE." I wasn't intentional with continual growth after that. Maybe that's partly because growth and change was forced on me (what up, China and graduation?) but it's also because I just assumed I'd do all this change as soon as I woke up on January 1, would be the best person ever because of that, and didn't have to reconsider for another 12 months. And in a way, I think that's what we're all saying with New Year's Resolutions, and why so often we fail.

We can't just change over night, and we can't just assume one drunken goal-making decision will be all we need that year.

So I went back to a post a blogger I really admire had written a few weeks ago about her goal-setting exercises for the year. I consider Nicole successful and to be living a genuine life that she seems to truly enjoy, so I thought I'd give them a try. Her strategy is: (go to her post to read more in depth)

1. Make an 'Eff Yeah' list of things you're really proud of. 

(See above.)

2. Choose a word to represent your dreams for the coming year. Examine why you're choosing that word.

My word is Explore. As a new college grad, I want to take this year to literally explore my options - to find a job where I fit and a path that suits me. I want to explore myself, and find out who I think I'm becoming, if I like that woman, and what I can do to make her better. I want to explore the world too - I want to travel now, while I don't have any thing tying me down like kids or a mortgage or whatever. 

3. Create some 'Life Buckets' that represent the sum of what makes you who you are and how you spend your time. 

Nicole suggested 9, but I ended up including work and finances, which she doesn't include, so I have 11. (Maaaaaybe overkill. We'll see.) Mine are: Self-Improvement, Exercise, Romance, Friendship, Career, Finances, Photography, Travel, Internet Everything, Do Uncomfortable Things, and Creativity.

4. Write down 3 big goals for each bucket that you'd like to accomplish by the end of 2012.

I won't list all 33 here for you guys (that would be overkill). But some of my favorite ones are things like bungee jump or free fall (Do Uncomfortable Things), get hired to shoot a wedding (Photography), learn really cute calligraphy (Self-Improvement), move this blog to it's own domain (Internet Everything), and adopt a greyhound (Friendship). All of those goals are ones that either make me smile hugely or make my heart pound in a way that makes me know I'm on to something awesome. The important thing is that I don't have to start doing all of them rightthissecond.

5. On the first of every month, write down an action step for each of those three big goals for you to accomplish that month. 

So, my action steps this month? Print out some calligraphy inspiration, see if there are greyhound adopting shelters in DC or if I'll have to go out of the city, and start upping traffic to my blog so I can rationalize paying to host it somewhere. Am I going to finish all 33 action steps this month? No, probably not. I may get like 15 done. But then I can look at the other 18 and figure out - okay, why didn't I do this? Maybe it'll just be laziness, or maybe it's because I'm trying to force myself to do something I don't actually want to.

That last sentence is especially important to me. There are things in 2011, and from all of college, that I did because they were what I thought I should do or had to do. If I'm being honest, taking Chinese and going to China are on the list of things I did because I thought I had to, not because I really wanted to. The result? Going to China is not something I'm furiously proud of. I haven't spoken Mandarin once since getting back stateside. And I never ever want to return to China if I don't have to. There were some nice side-effects, like making some of the best friends I've ever had through Chinese class (like Jacob), and for those I'm grateful, but often I wonder how things would have worked out if I'd taken French.

6. Talk about them.

Obviously that's kind of what I'm doing here. But I'm also talking to my friend KJ about this stuff, as well as my boyfriend, and to my mom. None of them can really give me good advice on increasing blog traffic or proper greyhound care, but that's okay.* Because just talking about it makes it seem more real, and more like something I can do.

 A big thanks to Nicole for creating this system and sharing it with all of her readers.

And now, a question for you guys - do you do goal setting exercises like this? What works for you to stay intentional in your lives?

*If you can give me good advice on increasing blog traffic and/or proper greyhound care, hit me up in the comments or at valorielovely {at} gmail {dot} com.

P.S. I revamped the blog, so if you're just reading in your RSS feeder, come check out the new about page, the new header, and a few other new things!

the one with the 18 thank yous.

I graduated from college about two weeks ago.

It went by fast, that whole part of my life. I spent 17 years in school, 18 if you consider that pre-pre-K thing my mom sent me to.

In that time, I realized that life is made up of four distinct groups of people: Your heroes, your teachers, your peers, and your students. Your heroes are people you may never meet, but who affect your life through their lives. Your teachers are people you know, who guide you on your path and help you to find yourself. Your peers are those people on the same path as you, or similar ones at the same time. And your students are those that you pass your knowledge on to, that you become a teacher for.

We are all all of these roles. We are each someone’s hero, someone’s teacher, someone’s peer, and someone’s student, even if we don’t know it. Through those roles, we pour into one another, giving a little bit of ourselves and taking a little bit of everyone else in order to become who we all are. And in recognition of those roles and the beautiful life inherent within them, here are 18 thank yous to my heroes, my teachers, my peers, and my students, many of which are quite frankly beyond overdue.

My mom, for the way she dances when she’s excited, for teaching me that the American dream is still available to those who work for it, and for starting my love affair with travel and being anywhere but here. My dad, for showing me that the strongest person in the room isn’t always the loudest, for always being supportive of my goals, and for reminding me that to achieve them, I am going to have to work for them. My grandma, for giving me the best advice in the sweetest of fashions, for teaching me how to cook, and for instilling in me the belief that good Southern proper manners are still fashionable.  My cousin Jackie, for helping me learn to follow my instincts and to be who I am, regardless of what society dictates for me.

Sydney, for showing me that true friendship spans all times and all places, and that you don’t have to see each other every day or even every year to be incredibly close. Cyndi, for agreeing that the two of us could say anything we ever needed to the other, no holds barred. Katie, for showing me that sisters aren’t always biological, and Katie’s family for adopting me in as their fourth child and being almost as involved in my life as my biological family is. Mike, who for the past year has shown me what real love looks like, has been an unending source of support and hugs, and has often believed in me more than I believed in myself. 

Mrs. Pearson, who in 7^th grade English class showed me that writing was the thing I was really passionate about, and Dr. Greenwald, who just a year ago sat me down to tell me to stop being afraid of my own talent, and to chase after my dreams, because no one was going to. J.K. Rowling, who created a world I was utterly enthralled by, and gave me something to hold in my hands and say, “this, this is what I want to do.” Jared Tseng, who sat down with me and taught me how to become a professional photographer, how to follow my art, and is still one of the wedding photographers I’m the most inspired by.

Dr. Smith, for exceeding my expectations of how much therapy can help and for giving me the tools to take care of myself, to save myself, and to love myself. Every man I ever dated, the douches and the nice guys, who let me fall in love with them, let me fall out of love with them, and helped me figure out not only what I want, but what I deserve in the man I’ll someday marry. The little kids I taught to swim, because they showed me that compassion, patience, and a little silliness can sometimes be more important than outright hard work. All you blog readers, for showing me that community is not limited by geography and that unwavering support can come from people whose faces you’ve never seen. Finally, all the bloggers who have confronted their quarter-life crises, and through those confrontations have shown me that there is a way to become the best version of yourself and it’s not always the way society says it should be done.

So thank you guys. Thank you for helping me on the path to the Grown Ass Woman I’ve (almost) become, and thank you for doing it in your own beautiful ways that reflect the heroes, the teachers, the peers, and the students that have poured into you and made you all into the fantastic beings you’ve become and will continue to evolve into.

All of the hugs and all of the love,

Valorie

remember that one time I was mess? here's why, and how I'm okay now.

 {via.}

About this time last year, I posted a few emails my friend and I exchanged. Partly because she is one of the best writers ever and I couldn't have summed up what she said any better than how she said it, but also because I was too tired, too sad, too heartbroken to write something down myself. I felt dried out, and empty, and utterly just shattered.

The pieces of my life were sitting there on the ground, and I didn't have the energy to pick them up.

And so I let my friends pick them up for me. Cyndi gave me energy to breathe deeply again and get out of bed. That was probably the biggest thing I needed. The sweet comments left on that aforementioned post helped me clear my mind and see that I would be okay again, someday. Another friend reminded me how to laugh, one reminded me to focus on myself and my hobbies. Eventually, I could write a post about taking a mental health day, and in December I was able joke a little and make a list of nouns I refused to put up with from men in the future (which is still true). Eventually I was able to write one of my favorite posts ever, love, loss, hope, repeat. I was fortunate and the next guy I started dating (and am still dating) passes the nouns test, and is also just a generally good person.

So I guess what I'm saying is that even though that was a painful time, I'm glad I went through it. I'm different because of it, but in a good way. I've stopped dating assholes, and I've learned to take my time when falling in love. And I've learned that my pride/personality/life is mine and even when some guy cheats on me but actually doesn't because he's only pretending he's single but actually has a girlfriend that is studying abroad and you catch them together when she comes back to Texas during her European fall break to surprise him (deep breath) that doesn't change who I am. It doesn't make me less of a bad person that I fell in love with him, even if maybe it does show that I didn't always have the greatest taste in men.

It hurt my pride, but at the end of the day, I'm okay. Hell, I'm better than okay. And so this is a thank you to those that stood by me, to those that encouraged me, and to those that turn their nose up at him when they see him at the only supermarket in town.

a year in self-portraits, and other insane ideas.

 {day two.}

I wanted to see how far into this month I'd make it before I started talking about resolutions. Because, really, I didn't want to look at a resolutions post from January 1 on March 20 and be like, "oh yeah... I forgot about that... Hmm..." Which I guess could still happen, except that I don't think so because, well, I SAID SO.

Anyway, I didn't really make a whole lot of resolutions this year. Partly because I tend to not make resolutions, *mostly* because I normally forget what they are a week in. But this year, this ridiculously exciting year, I decided to make three resolutions.

1. Cook once a week. I don't mean like defrost a pizza. I mean cook a legitimate meal from scratch.

2. Wear heels once a week. I'll probably fall a lot, but I'll look hot doing it!

3. Take a self portrait every day.

{day six.}

This is going to be a year of realized dreams. I'm leaving for Montreal later today! I'll (hopefully) finally see New Orleans. I'm getting my Aggie Ring (April 15!). I'm going to finally study abroad. I graduate from college in December. And a hundred other things. I want to remember it all. I want pictures of all of it. I've gotten off to a decent start, documenting my move into my apartment, and I'm excited to see where this project takes me.

{day eighteen.}

I'm posting these photos on Flickr. If you have a Flickr, find me so we can connect there. :)

#27: Results

{mine.}

As you guys may or may not remember, two weeks ago I decided to do the "Eat like a vegan for a week" challenge I put in my 101 in 1001 list. I tweeted about it a few times throughout the week, mostly about how much I wanted cheese (ah, cheese), but I was actually pleasantly surprised with the results.

By the end of the week, I felt much healthier than I had in a long time. It might have had something to do with mono finally ceasing it's constant attack on my body, but I also just felt like I had more energy.

I also learned to like soy milk, which is a huge thing for me as I'm lactose intolerant. I learned to like more fruits as well (grapefruit! grapes! bananas!) and experimented with a few fun recipes.

Stepped on the scale at the end of the week and noticed I lost five pounds, which I'm going to go ahead and take as a good sign. That also really surprises me, I didn't see that coming! Though, I guess since most of the junk food I eat is animal product-based (anything with dairy in it), that's not that surprising. That being said, I'm SO HAPPY I can have chocolate again (eating a york peppermint patty as I type this!).

It's been a week since the end of that challenge. In that time, I've noticed myself craving meat less (though I do still eat it, because meat is good) and craving fruit and veggies more. I'm never going to go all-out vegan again -- It's too hard, I missed cheese way too much -- but I see myself making healthier choices at home, perhaps eating more vegetarian like here and only really eating lots of meat when out. Also, trying to be a vegan in restaurants is a pain in the ass. I mean, how do you full time guys do it?

If you're ever looking for a good body cleanse, I would recommend this one. It makes you feel healthier, you'll probably lose weight, and when you tell people what you're doing they'll say, "SERIOUSLY? THAT'S SO COOL."

Up next on accomplishing my list? Starting a yoga class Monday, going to Montreal Wednesday, the LSAT on February 12th, leaving for China May 20th. Live Free and Do Epic Shit.

Bye, 2010. Hey there, 2011.

{via.}

I didn't participate in Reverb 10, but I read everyone else's responses to the prompts and loved them, as well as thought on them on my own. I don't think I could encapsulate 2010 into one word, but I think I've gotten it in one phrase:

I should have...

I should have known you would be no good for me. I should have written more. I should have apologized. I should have taken more pictures. I should have tried harder. I should have traveled more. I should have been careful. I should have focused. I should have been grateful. I should have enjoyed myself.

I should have, I should have, I should have.

I know those all sound negative. But, even though there were many parts of 2010 that I loved and wouldn't give back for the world, overall I think this is the only year I ever ended on an unhappy note. And really, I know this isn't just The Darkness talking; these are legitimate things that I wish I could change. 2010 was a rough year; I lost both family pets, almost died in a near-fatal car accident, and slammed head first into my Quarter-Life Crisis.

That said, I did learn a lot in 2010. It was a year made for learning about myself, the world around me, and where I fit into it. I know that will continue, and that's exciting.

But for me, I want 2011 to be about carpe diem, seizing the day; Do Epic Shit. If the Mayans were right and this is the last full year ever, then it will be a year of laughter, of pictures, of inspiration, of doing what's right. I'll continue to learn, and to grow; barring all catastrophes, I'll graduate from college. I'll live alone for the first time, and I'll take advantage of that to the fullest. I'll spend a good part of it abroad, and hopefully I'll master one language, perfect another, and start yet another. I'll stop calling myself a writer, and actually write.

I know I'll make mistakes. There will be things I look back on that will make me cringe. But that's okay. 2011 will be a good year; I will make it so.

the most productive insomnia of my life.

It is 2:20am as I write this. I've been up since 9am yesterday morning. But I'm not tired because WEEEEE INSOMNIA.

I will hate myself for not taking sleeping pills tomorrow, but for now I'm okay with that because this has been the most productive insomnia ever ever ever.

Normally, I'm not at all productive this late at night. I don't do anything but sit around and cry on facebook about how I'm so tired but can't sleep. HELPFUL, I KNOW. But tonight, GLORIOUS TONIGHT OF ALL NIGHTS, I have finished packing up for my impending move in a few weeks, uploaded 100+ photos to my flickr account, did some actual writing not at all connected to this blog post, decided what to get people for Christmas, cooked a *big girl* meal, researched a camera lens I really want like whoa, did some research for my trip to China next summer and began filling out an application for that, and danced around like a lunatic to good music.

I KNOW.

I'm not sure who the hell this new productive Valorie is, but I'm a fan of her. SHE GETS SHIT DONE. SHE HAS HER ACT TOGETHER. HOW LONG DO YOU THINK I CAN TYPE IN CAPS BEFORE I JINX IT?

Also, this new productive Valorie started a tumblr recently, Inspiration Everlasting. It's where I (and productive Valorie -- we might be two different people, it's still up in the air) just blog anything seen/heard/noticed that inspires me, that I think is beautiful, that makes me smile. I'd love to connect with any of you who have a tumblr there too, so hit me up on that link and please feel free to submit anything you see that inspires you! :)

By the way, I just want to say how awesome you guys are. Y'all's support these past few post, especially for ones like The Nouns, which became y'all's favorite post over night apparently, has really been great for me to see with how stressful life has been recently. So, you know, you guys rock and yay. Thanks. BUT ENOUGH WITH THE MUSHY.

I was going to try to leave you with photos from Rock the Republic (which is most of what I uploaded to flickr tonight and you should TOTALLY check out --> here <-- but Blogger seems to not feel like uploading pictures consistently. Is anyone else having that problem? I may try again tomorrow, so check back. :)

Wants: Unfiltered.

I had a scary but wonderful realization recently. Not even a realization, since I've always known this about myself, but I'm finally acknowledging the truth of it and not hiding behind safety nets and mommy's skirt.

I want to be an author. I want to make my living writing. I want to spend my time every day connecting with characters and feeling the joy that only writing a scene I'm really proud of can bring me. I want to connect with other people through my writing. I want to open doors to another world for people like other authors did for me. The idea of this makes me quiver with excitement to my core and feel like my very soul is singing.

Yes, I want to help people. I want to teach as well. I really want to sit down and have coffee with every person in the world. There are eleventy billion things I want to do during my lifetime. And for a while I thought law school was the route to all that. But really, it's just one route of many. And maybe I'll still go to law school. Maybe. But I don't have to, and I'm recognizing that.

It's so freeing.

I'm going to spend my days writing instead of wasting them doing useless things (I'm looking at you, facebook). My goal is to have a novel finished being written by September 1. I'll revise, revise, revise starting the 2nd. I'll take the next step (finding an agent, publisher, etc.) by December 1.

Does this scare me? Hell yes. Does it excite me a hundred times more than it scares me? Fuck yes.

Live free and do epic shit.

"I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult."
-E.B. White

birthday resolutions.

Remember when I told y'all last year about how I make resolutions every year on my birthday (instead of New Years')? Well, that whole picture-a-day thing only lasted about 100 days. I'd like to say I'm trying it again this year, but who are we kidding? I've already missed the first (and only) two days. So, this is my 20 year resolution instead. Whatcha think? :)


(Obviously, inspired by the "Keep Calm and Carry On" posters.)