Monday, June 27, 2011

Reminding people of 1776, China's most vicious grandmas, and how its killing puppies hot outside.

Or, my first few weeks in Beijing.

So, basically, old Chinese women are vicious. I don't know what it was about their upbringing that made them still able to violently shove fully grown men out of their way even when they're 80, but during rush hour traffic on the subway, when everyone is pushing and shoving to get on, I'm actually afraid of these women. They may look all cute and innocent, smiling and eating fruit on the side of the road in their old lady clothes, but they're NOT. When it comes down to it they can fight like angry tigers, and its not like anyone can push them back because they're *old* so we just have to put up with their vicious elbowing and cursing as they fight everyone else for a seat.

In case you're shaking your head, it's not just me that thinks Chinese grandmas could probably push around American football players: All the other people staying in China through my program agree. Even the Brits and the Americans can agree on the viciousness of Chinese grandmas. Truthfully, the Brits and the Americans can agree on a lot of things, like day drinking and how trips to Hong Kong are very important, but every once in a while we need a good rousing chorus of "Yeah, well, we totally kicked your ass in 1776!" and "Oh, honestly, you wouldn't even BE a country if it wasn't for us!" to remind us that we can't be getting *too* chummy with them. We are still waiting for HRH Elizabeth II to just admit that Canada is the 51st American state, after all.

Also, I would really appreciate a trip to Canada right now, because basically, its insanely hot in Beijing. Not just like hot-hot, or really humid hot, or even holy-I-can't-breathe-because-it-burns-the-lungs-hot. Its Killing Puppies Hot here. [Killing puppies hot is the kind of hot where the weather is just so oppressive you consider that you might actually be willing to kill a puppy if it meant you could cool off. I thought of this last week.] I just can't wait to see what Shanghai has in store in two weeks if its supposed to be even hotter there than it is here. STABSTABSTAB.

Anyway, I could probably ramble on for 18 pages (front and back! [give yourself a cookie if you got that Friends reference]) about my first few weeks here in Beijing, but I'll stop here. I'll talk more about the Forbidden City, the Summer Palace, the Great Wall, and all the other places I've been next time.

Hope you guys are having wonderful lives. If you want to be on my email list (which has slightly more contact with me than the blog), leave a comment below. :)

1 comment:

Commenting? How lovely. Please try not to talk about dead cats.