Tuesday, September 25, 2012

running away, the desire for clean slates, and the impossibility of that.

I think about running away a lot.

I don't have a bad life; I have good friends and a job I like. I eat brunch almost every Sunday, I live in an apartment in the District, and I read good literature. I indulge in amusing past times, like watching Friends eleventy billion times, and I have passions like writing, photography, and learning. I have plans for my future like grad school, a fulfilling job, and a lifestyle that allows me to travel. As far as material needs go, I have nothing to complain about, and therefore try not to.

For all intents and purposes, I could be categorized as happy.

Yet, I find myself thinking about running away from everything and everyone I've ever known or cared for. I think of living somewhere no one knows my name or my past, and they never have to. I'd erase this blog and delete my Facebook and throw my iPhone in a river. I think I could be happy living quietly and anonymously somewhere else in the world. I could write every day, I could live and eat simply. 

You might think it was lonely, and maybe it would be, but it doesn't seem that way from where I'm sitting. It seems peaceful, easy.

Of course, I know it would never work because one of the things I value more than anything else in my life is my relationships with my family and friends. I could never abandon them. Naturally, as long as I have them there will always be people who know my name, and I'll never truly be anonymous.

But sometimes, today especially, I am tempted by the idea of a clean slate in a place where no one knows who I am, and so I can be anyone I want.


  1. I've thought of this myself before, but have never done it.

  2. And I thought running away to Europe was big - running away from everything is really intense for me when I stop to sit and think about it

  3. sometimes i think about this too, but there's too much going on that keeps me from dropping everything like it's hot and living with reckless abandon. which is also precisely the reason i dream of leaving it all behind.


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