on perfectionism.

I am a perfectionist. As one, I can be pretty negative, pretty prone to "Welp, fuck it!" moments, and when I fail, I fail hard. Because perfectionism is not just a relentless drive for better, better, better and more, more, more; It's a mentality of varying degrees of extremism.

Perfectionism is finding myself hungry and stranded without a sugar-free option, so just eating a Butterfinger for lunch because, well, I have to have sugar no matter what so WHATEVER.

Perfectionism is wanting to quit my job because it's not going exactly how I'd like it to, even though really, it's pretty good.

Perfectionism is convincing myself that because I wasn't successful right out of college, I never will be.

Perfectionism is giving up on dating entirely "for the rest of my life" because one relationship ended badly "and I like dogs better than humans anyway!"

Perfectionism is setting goals that are obviously unrealistic but assuring myself that I'll "find a way to make it work." 

Perfectionism is not writing all month because I already didn't one day so I mean, obviously that 'write every day!' goal is in the toilet.

Perfectionism is not taking a step forward because I feel like if I can't do it the completely right way, I shouldn't do it at all.

Trying not to be a perfectionist -- to be nice to myself, to forgive myself when I make mistakes, to allow room for mistakes in the first place (as well as time to relax, breathe, and not be doing something) -- is a battle.

Combating perfectionism (for me) is yoga. Because in yoga each practice is simultaneously imperfect (I will fall out of a pose, I will lose track of my breathing, there is always a more advanced pose my body isn't ready for), and perfect because I showed up on the mat, I am trying, and that is freeing.

Perfectionism is the most self-defeating mentality. And fuck that, man.