In the past few weeks, I've filled out something like 50 trillion applications. Job applications. Organization applications. Volunteer applications. Even a practice law school application (oh yeah, I'm *that* girl). I've gone through so many interviews, it's stupid.
But all this got me thinking: If we go so far as to interview the person who's going to feed our cat for three days while we're out of town ("What is the greatest responsibility you've had in the past?" She asked the eleven-year-old girl), the woman who vacuums our carpets ("Do you have a working knowledge of 409?"), and the volunteer we're going to hire to hand out pieces of paper ("Do you enjoy working with people to reach a common goal?"), these people who we really don't even interact with much, why don't we interview the extremely important people in our lives?
Example: Once we're getting past the flirtatious stage with someone and may actually *like* this person enough to pursue a relationship, why don't we sit them down and ask them some serious questions? i.e.:
Do you come with recommendations of previous employers (in this case, significant others)?
What are your skills/hobbies/interests?
Do you follow instructions well?
Are you a cuddly sleeper?
Do you enjoy working in a group?
You have $50 in your pocket. All your bills are paid. Do you spend this on:
- Beer to drink with the boys
- Dinner with your girlfriend
- Put it in savings
- or some combination of the above?
Have you been married before?
How do you define cheating?
Have you ever been convicted of a crime, minor or major?
Are you the type to give flowers, chocolates, jewelry, or none of the above? If yes, do you do this spontaneously or only for special occasions?
Do you speak any languages other than your native tongue?
Are there any crazy exes and/or other sort of previous-significant-other drama I need to be aware of? For instance, is there any chance that some woman somewhere is giving birth to a child of yours right now?
It's date night, do you a) Do dinner and a movie, b) Cook dinner at home, c) Party, or d) Other? If "other," elaborate.
Do you enjoy traveling?
Describe your skill level in relation to things such as fixing anything broken and building stuff around the house.
How do you feel about kids?
Do you have a working knowledge of how to give a good back massage?
How do you handle crisis situations?
Are you good with taking out the trash and killing all the bugs as long as I keep the house clean and make sure not to take over the bathroom counter with makeup?
Why are you interested in pursuing a relationship with me?
I feel like asking these basic questions would really save people a lot of problems down the road. You know, no nasty surprises like finding out the night before your wedding that he doesn't want kids and you want a houseful, and etc.
Currently, I'm not accepting applications. But if I ever am in the future, I'm seriously considering implementing this corporate strategy.