Monday, September 20, 2010

Why don't we interview for everything?


In the past few weeks, I've filled out something like 50 trillion applications. Job applications. Organization applications. Volunteer applications. Even a practice law school application (oh yeah, I'm *that* girl). I've gone through so many interviews, it's stupid.

But all this got me thinking: If we go so far as to interview the person who's going to feed our cat for three days while we're out of town ("What is the greatest responsibility you've had in the past?" She asked the eleven-year-old girl), the woman who vacuums our carpets ("Do you have a working knowledge of 409?"), and the volunteer we're going to hire to hand out pieces of paper ("Do you enjoy working with people to reach a common goal?"), these people who we really don't even interact with much, why don't we interview the extremely important people in our lives?

Example: Once we're getting past the flirtatious stage with someone and may actually *like* this person enough to pursue a relationship, why don't we sit them down and ask them some serious questions? i.e.:

Do you come with recommendations of previous employers (in this case, significant others)?

What are your skills/hobbies/interests?

Do you follow instructions well?

Are you a cuddly sleeper?

Do you enjoy working in a group?

You have $50 in your pocket. All your bills are paid. Do you spend this on:
  • Beer to drink with the boys
  • Dinner with your girlfriend
  • Put it in savings
  • or some combination of the above?
Have you ever been known under another name?

Have you been married before?

How do you define cheating?

Have you ever been convicted of a crime, minor or major?

Are you the type to give flowers, chocolates, jewelry, or none of the above? If yes, do you do this spontaneously or only for special occasions?

Do you speak any languages other than your native tongue?

Are there any crazy exes and/or other sort of previous-significant-other drama I need to be aware of? For instance, is there any chance that some woman somewhere is giving birth to a child of yours right now?

It's date night, do you a) Do dinner and a movie, b) Cook dinner at home, c) Party, or d) Other? If "other," elaborate.

Do you enjoy traveling?

Describe your skill level in relation to things such as fixing anything broken and building stuff around the house.

How do you feel about kids?

Do you have a working knowledge of how to give a good back massage?

How do you handle crisis situations?

Are you good with taking out the trash and killing all the bugs as long as I keep the house clean and make sure not to take over the bathroom counter with makeup?

Why are you interested in pursuing a relationship with me?

I feel like asking these basic questions would really save people a lot of problems down the road. You know, no nasty surprises like finding out the night before your wedding that he doesn't want kids and you want a houseful, and etc.

Currently, I'm not accepting applications. But if I ever am in the future, I'm seriously considering implementing this corporate strategy.


  1. this is a great list of questions. however, the answers to them would be different now for prince charming than they were when we first started. well, not all of them, but some of them. i may just steal this from you...

  2. oh the heartache I would have spared myself if only I had this list when I was 16.

  3. Haha! Great list! Another thing to add- basic religion questions- even if you are not a religious person. When hubbie and I were first married, the military required that we take this "sweethearts seminar" which basically was a couples communication class that taught you how to fight fairly and communicate by respecting each other, etc. I will never forget overhearing the couple next to us.. they were both SOBBING... and I heard her say, "What do you MEAN you don't believe in God? How did I not know this after dating for four years? My family is devout Catholic!" And he replied, " You never asked." Wow..... I always wonder if that relationship made it very far.


Commenting? How lovely. Please try not to talk about dead cats.