habits, things that work until they don't, and time for the things that matter.

{Even Gmail gave up on counting my unread email - I don't blame 'em.}

Here's the thing about systems: They work until they don't. But if they never worked, they never will. You can't just close your eyes and cover your ears and whistle and then poof! Zero inbox, organized desk, schedule that works for you, clean apartment, healthy body, etc., etc., INSERT WHATEVER GOAL HERE.

I've fought against the ideas of systems, habits, and routines since I was a kid - I thought that since I'm all a 'free spirit' and an artist, I didn't need routines and deadlines and systems because, you know, I was above that. Habits and systems and routines were for Wall Street and "boring people."

And then? Then I found myself drowning in my email - I still have ~300 unread emails as we speak. I had all but completely stopped blogging, and reading others' was all but impossible. Learning French was NOT going well. Writing became a rare privilege instead of a daily thing. I rarely used my camera - and I was supposed to be running a photography business! I was losing contact with my friends. I was forgetting little things at work. My apartment looked like it had been ransacked and robbed, regularly. And I don't even want to talk about my finances.

Every once in a while I would sit down and spend time "catching up" and never really "getting ahead." It was exhausting. And it was taking up so much time - taking away time from the things that really mattered.

So I'd cover my ears again and sing to myself some more and close my eyes really tightly and hope - HOPE - I'd stop receiving emails or would just magically have time to do ALL THE THINGS. But as I've even talked about before, our time is limited. 

Slowly, I've started admitting I need systems to help me out - 2013 marks my third year with an Erin Condren planner. (And this year mine is color coded for different responsibilities!) My gmail inboxes - oh yes, plural - now all forward to one catch-'em-all email address so I don't have to log in to multiple accounts to check my email. I have discovered the Archive button - how did I live without it?

I'm admitting that you know, habits? Some of them - like folding laundry - ain't so bad. With them my apartment doesn't become a clusterhell of clothing and shoes and dishes and hey-is-this-clean? Like the Archive button in Gmail, now habits like immediately writing things in my planner are things I can't believe I ever survived without. And I think that's the best sign of a good habit.

I've still got some a lot of bad habits. (Damn you, Netflix 15-second auto-play feature!) But I keep coming back to three things that help me find the strength to work on replacing bad habits with new more helpful ones.

• The first is this article from the Harvard Business Review: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will. McKeown talks about how to start framing moments in our lives as choices instead of obligations, which can make it easier to make the right choice for our priorities.
• The next is the book The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. I haven't even finished it yet and it's making me look at the relationship between success and habit wildly differently. Duhigg shows readers how we create habits, how we can replace habits, and how habits can lead to a happy, more successful life.
• Asking Why the fuck? over and over for every commitment I make.

Listen, routine doesn't have to be bad. We can't change everything and start a million new routines that will simplify our lives all at once because - hey! starting a million things at once is effing complicated. But if you're feeling how I was, pick one thing and start there.

I started with just writing in a planner. When I started goal-setting, I learned that I needed to actually schedule action steps for myself. Eventually, I started to print my monthly goals off and frame them so I'd see them without opening the Word doc. Later, I started using Chrome exclusively so I could have the Any.Do to-do list extension to sync with the Any.Do app on my iPhone. Then, I forwarded all my email into one catch-all inbox that is organized with labels, then unsubscribed from a whoooole lot of email lists.

Notice though - Started. Eventually. Later. Then. It's taken a long time and I'm not done. (Next up is limiting how much time I spend checking/responding to email.) Building systems that work for you is sort of always "in the works." Because, to come full circle, your systems will only work until they don't. Having Reeder on my iPhone used to work for me for reading blogs, but now that I have a car and don't take the bus as much, it doesn't work for me anymore. I need to find a way to replace that system, but maybe it will work for you.


Do you guys have any good habits or systems that help you simplify your life to make room for the things you care more about?

the question of framing.

 
On February 26th, my grandmother passed away at 87 years old. She had been diagnosed with cancer a little over a year before - an aggressive cancer that had sapped her strength and left her exhausted soon after her prognosis.

I'm sad she's gone, of course, but I'm also relieved she's no longer in pain. I'll miss her and I regret that I hadn't seen her since September, but my desire to see her again is tempered by my relief that I never saw her when the pain got really bad, when she got really sick. My memories of her will always be ones full of health and happiness.

The only thing I'm struggling with though, is the framing of it. As society, we see cancer as a battle. "She's fighting cancer," we lament. Sometimes, we rejoice: "He beat cancer!" It's supposed to be empowering. And for many people with cancer, I think (hope?) that helps.

But what about when they don't beat cancer? I don't want to think of my grandmother passing away as her loss in a battle. I don't want to frame it as a "defeat."

My grandmother left El Salvador at the beginning of their civil war. She raised three kids - a son and two daughters - mostly on her own. She put them through school, my mother through UCLA, without having gotten a high school diploma herself. She hadn't learned English before moving to California, but she worked hard as a nurse to put food on the table, clothes on their backs, and create a life for them here.

She was strong. One of the strongest women I've ever had the fortune to know, let alone be related to. She worked hard, protected her family, and in many ways fought a lot of battles so my mother and her siblings wouldn't have to.

The idea of her losing to anything? Now? I'm not okay with that. I can't - won't - see it that way. But when someone isn't sure of Heaven and doesn't see death as "going home," and therefore a "win" (so to speak), how do you frame it?

No matter the answers, one thing here is clear - Don't miss out on a chance to go see someone, especially if they're sick. Hug your loved ones today and tomorrow. There may not be a day after.

And also? Screw cancer.

my only regret, and the thing that anyone who has ever spoken to me in real life probably already knows.

I think it's been pretty obvious for a while now that all I can think about anymore is traveling. My biggest regret from high school/college is not taking a year off to backpack, or not studying abroad more than once. I think I spend 50% of my time thinking about traveling these days, and the other 50% hoping someone will bring up traveling so I can talk about it. I'm a woman possessed.

Normally, here is where I'd say I need to make my mind up about whether or not I'm actually going to get on a plane and go, but I've started using the word "when" to refer to going abroad, not "if," so I guess I already did. 

A lot of my time has been spent researching where I'd like to go and do and see. There are so many options I can't nail down anything close to resembling an itinerary, but I do know that I want to start in Paris. 

So, naturally, I feel like the Universe is screaming FRANCE at me right now. I don't know if it's just that I'm listening for it, and so I'm noticing it more, or if this really is a sign from the Universe, but I swear someone talks about France or the Eiffel Tower or speaks French within earshot of me every day. I wish I could say that I don't check prices for flights to Paris almost daily, but that would be a damn lie.

My only real plan these days, only real goal, is to make this happen. I can't see past it, I can't plan anything else in my life. I have vague ideas and thoughts of what I might do after I get back, but for the first time in a long time, I want something so badly that I will do almost anything to make it happen, and I can't ignore that.

When you want something so badly it physically hurts, you're a coward not to chase it.

 

Image creds: Signs from the Universe in the forms of secrets mailed into PostSecret.

288 ounces of juice that changed my definition of normal. asshole juice.

Call me crazy, but I recently invested in something called the BluePrintCleanse. I know, I know, "A JUICE CLEANSE, VALORIE? WHAT THE ACTUAL?" I know, everyone said this to me. Here's why I finally did it:

I had spent months feeling lethargic and getting a little sick frequently. At first I thought it was all psychological, just reactions to all the stress and the new environment in DC, but the more I did research into the symptoms I realized it might just be my body holding on to a lot of toxins and not getting rid of them well. I was also spending a lot of time just sleepy... for no reason. I'd sleep 8 hours a night and still be tired the next day. I did a lot of reading and concluded that a fast or cleanse could help my body do a sort of 'reset' that might help end all that.

I considered going at a juice cleanse myself - I researched how much DIYing it would cost but, I realized that a) that would all be hard, and I wouldn't have the patience and I probably wouldn't make the recipes well, and that b) I would never ever actually fucking do it if I didn't have to pay someone to make me do it. I don't have the motivation to stick to it all on my own. The fact that I would pay an arm and a leg and MY WHOLE ENTIRE FACE, BASICALLY in order to do this cleanse would make me stick to it.

Note to self: PAYING LOTS OF MONEY IS A GREAT MOTIVATOR.

I'll admit it - I was nervous going into this. I was vaguely afraid my body would go into shock because I rarely eat my vegetables (sorry, Mom and Dad!). I was approximately TERRIFIED that I'd be hungry the whole time, or not have enough energy for work. But I wasn't hungry because, oh hey, you're drinking six 16 oz juices a day, plus a whole lot of water and guess what? THAT'S A LOT OF LIQUID TO PUT IN YOUR BELLY. Luckily, they mostly actually taste okay.

THE JUICES. 

#1: Green juice. Basically, it smells and tastes like a liquid salad, but with notes of apple and lemon that make it a little sweet. I was afraid it would take thick and leafy, but it has a really nice thin consistency. This was the one I was most afraid of, but ended up being my second favorite (which is good because you drink it twice a day). 

#2: P.A.M.: Pineapple, apple, mint. This one was my favorite! I actually looked forward to drinking it on the second day and on the third I was sad when I was done with it. The initial taste is very fruity, kind of tropical, but it has a minty aftertaste. Of course, this one made me really cocky, so I started thinking that if all the other juices were this delicious, I was going to be the mothereffing juicing CHAMPION which, well, was false.

#3: See #1.

#4: Spicy Lemonade: Water, lemon, agave nectar, cayenne. This one is basically the lemon cayenne detox, just not 60 oz of that a day. Good, but the bite of cayenne lingered a little too long for me. I had this one at 4 pm the first day (I started around 11 am), so I expected to be STARVING by this point, but I wasn't.

#5: If you don't like the taste of beets, you will hate this. I'm just saying that up front. Turns out I don't mind the taste of beets (who knew?) so I thought it was okay. That said, I can see why Nicole said it tasted like dirt - in a way it kind of smells like soil after rain. You're so not wanting to try this right now are you?

#6: Cashew Milk. GUYS, I WAS SO EXCITED FOR THIS ONE. I mean, Nicole said it tasted a mothereffing liquid cookie. How can liquid cookie be bad?! But, I hated it. It was kind of thick and left my mouth feeling really fuzzy, which made me gag. The scheduling of this means I started trying to drink it around 10 pm the first day, thinking I'd down it and be asleep by 12:15. Turns out, THERE'S NO DOWNING THESE JUICES. On the first day, it took me so long to try to drink it that I started watching a movie to keep me company and then fell asleep before I finished it. When I woke up, I assumed that seven hours without refrigeration was too long and had to throw it out. Same happened the second day. The third day, I finally discovered that if I mixed half of it in the morning with 1/2 cup (measured) of coffee, and did the same at night, I could handle it. I have a feeling it would also taste okay as a smoothie, but I never tried that.

The sixth one was when I finally thought "WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO? I CAN'T DO THIS. ABORT, ABORT, ABORT." 

 

Me, day one, juice one.

Was I hungry?
Yes. Not the whole time - the first day not at all. The second day a little in the evening, and the third day just yes for the first half of the day.  That was mostly my fault though - the way the cleanse is designed you shouldn't be hungry. Calorically, it's a step down for anyone - all six juices have a combined 1070 calories, but somehow you don't feel like you're missing much. Plus, you end up drinking ALL THE WATER too, so your stomach feels comfortably full frequently. However, because I didn't once finish the cashew milk, where all the protein and fats are, I was consuming down somewhere around 850 calories, which did leave me pretty hungry at times. Again though, the whole PAID MY FACE FOR THIS made it easy not to break it.

Was it hard? 
No, but it was complicated. 16 ounces of juice is a lot of liquid and in between each juice you're supposed to drink water or herbal tea. You have to leave 1-2 hours between juices, and have to finish the day's juices at least 2 hours before going to sleep. It was also tough because I had to work all three days I was juicin', so I had a hard time sticking to the schedule perfectly.

Okay that was a ton of information; how was it and was it worth it? 
Overall, I'd say yes. I mean, I spent three days going to the restroom 2-4 times an hour which was ludicrously inconvenient, but it was worth it. I felt like I had more energy while I was drinking the juices and even exercised two of the three days I was juicin', which surprised me.

I also was in a better mood than normal the whole time, which also surprised me because I mothereffing love food and I mainline coffee so I expected to be THE FUSSIEST EVER.

I had fussy moments - I think on three separate occasions I told one of my coworkers that if I didn't have the cleanest colon ever and mothereffing laser eye vision by the end of the three days, it wasn't worth it (hint: I don't, but it was). These moments normally happened while I was making coffee or serving gelato to customers, which was the worst kind of temptation ever.

NOTE TO YOU GUYS: If you work as a barista/in the food industry, don't torture yourself by going to work while you're doing a juice cleanse.

BluePrintCleanse does send you a nice little tote and ice packs so you can take your juices to work though. :)

Even though they say it's a three day cleanse, it's actually like a week long undertaking because before the cleanse you have to cut back on coffee, alcohol, and meat, then AFTER you have to reintroduce those foods again slowly, so you know, don't make plans to go out with your friends the whole time you're on it. Unless they're juicin' too. ALL THE JUICIN'.

Starting the first night, I had the most vivid and awkward dreams ever - I'm talking WOULDN'T DETAIL THEM ON THIS BLOG awkward. Apparently that and increased creativity (which I also felt) are totally normal symptoms of doing something like this though - probably the change in chemicals and routine.

While not why I did the cleanse, it was also nice to see myself drop a few pounds. Of course, I gained back most of the weight when I started eating you know, REAL SOLID FOOD again, but I permanently lost a couple pounds during the whole week I was prepping and reintroducing foods. I'm not mad about that.

I was a little afraid that, like Andrea, I'd discover I had a terrible food allergy like gluten or sugar, but the cleanse just reinforced that 'OH HEY VALORIE STOP DRINKING MILK YOU'RE LACTOSE INTOLERANT YOU DUMBASS.' So, that's fine, I guess.

Most importantly, the three days of juicing helped me to break a lot of bad food habits I have. Like I've mentioned, I've never been a healthy eater, per se - I didn't eat lots of fried foods or junk food, but I had too much bread and fatty things like Nutella in my diet and not enough fruits and vegetables. By the end of the second day (June 27th - here's PHOTO EVIDENCE) I was actually craving solid fruits and vegetables and made a list of things that sounded appealing so I'd remember them when I could have solids again. This change of diet has helped me keep some of the weight I lost during the cleanse off. It's also helping keep my mood up and making me feel like I have more energy, so that's been wonderful.

But, really, the best and worst thing about doing three days of BluePrintCleanse? It showed me how effing bad I was feeling before and how good I'm SUPPOSED to feel. It turned my sense of normal upside down and now my life will never be the same. It's probably a good thing, but for now I'm still a little angry.

Me, with my skin all glowy and pretty the day after the cleanse ended. Also, I swear I'm wearing clothes in this photo. Probably something I should never have to clarify, huh? One shoulder shirts for the win!

the resolutions, being honest, and the desire to be furiously proud of myself this year.

{via}

I noticed that most bloggers have already done their first 2012 post. Everyone's talking about resolutions, and their plans and dreams for this new year, this blank slate.

I didn't have anything to say at first. In part because I'm not the best at coming up with interesting resolutions, but also because when I was really reviewing 2011 in my mind to start thinking about 2012, I realized that there's not a lot from the year that I'm furiously proud of. There aren't many memories from 2011 that make me want to dance, or that I want to brag about to other people.

The things that I am furiously proud of: Meeting and getting together with my boy, and everything that comes with our relationship. Establishing VCP. Graduating.

Beyond these things, much of 2011 felt very 'eh?' I avoided talking much about it here because I felt like I've said a lot of what I feel comfortable saying already, but occasionally things slipped out on twitter.

That freaked me out, honestly. 2011 hadn't been a total waste obviously, but why was there so little I was proud of? I started out with good intentions, and decent resolutions, but not a lot manifested out of that. And I realized: It's because I wasn't intentional with it. I just went into 2011 thinking, "Okay, this is what I'm changing rightthissecond for the whole year aaaaand... DONE." I wasn't intentional with continual growth after that. Maybe that's partly because growth and change was forced on me (what up, China and graduation?) but it's also because I just assumed I'd do all this change as soon as I woke up on January 1, would be the best person ever because of that, and didn't have to reconsider for another 12 months. And in a way, I think that's what we're all saying with New Year's Resolutions, and why so often we fail.

We can't just change over night, and we can't just assume one drunken goal-making decision will be all we need that year.

So I went back to a post a blogger I really admire had written a few weeks ago about her goal-setting exercises for the year. I consider Nicole successful and to be living a genuine life that she seems to truly enjoy, so I thought I'd give them a try. Her strategy is: (go to her post to read more in depth)

1. Make an 'Eff Yeah' list of things you're really proud of. 

(See above.)

2. Choose a word to represent your dreams for the coming year. Examine why you're choosing that word.

My word is Explore. As a new college grad, I want to take this year to literally explore my options - to find a job where I fit and a path that suits me. I want to explore myself, and find out who I think I'm becoming, if I like that woman, and what I can do to make her better. I want to explore the world too - I want to travel now, while I don't have any thing tying me down like kids or a mortgage or whatever. 

3. Create some 'Life Buckets' that represent the sum of what makes you who you are and how you spend your time. 

Nicole suggested 9, but I ended up including work and finances, which she doesn't include, so I have 11. (Maaaaaybe overkill. We'll see.) Mine are: Self-Improvement, Exercise, Romance, Friendship, Career, Finances, Photography, Travel, Internet Everything, Do Uncomfortable Things, and Creativity.

4. Write down 3 big goals for each bucket that you'd like to accomplish by the end of 2012.

I won't list all 33 here for you guys (that would be overkill). But some of my favorite ones are things like bungee jump or free fall (Do Uncomfortable Things), get hired to shoot a wedding (Photography), learn really cute calligraphy (Self-Improvement), move this blog to it's own domain (Internet Everything), and adopt a greyhound (Friendship). All of those goals are ones that either make me smile hugely or make my heart pound in a way that makes me know I'm on to something awesome. The important thing is that I don't have to start doing all of them rightthissecond.

5. On the first of every month, write down an action step for each of those three big goals for you to accomplish that month. 

So, my action steps this month? Print out some calligraphy inspiration, see if there are greyhound adopting shelters in DC or if I'll have to go out of the city, and start upping traffic to my blog so I can rationalize paying to host it somewhere. Am I going to finish all 33 action steps this month? No, probably not. I may get like 15 done. But then I can look at the other 18 and figure out - okay, why didn't I do this? Maybe it'll just be laziness, or maybe it's because I'm trying to force myself to do something I don't actually want to.

That last sentence is especially important to me. There are things in 2011, and from all of college, that I did because they were what I thought I should do or had to do. If I'm being honest, taking Chinese and going to China are on the list of things I did because I thought I had to, not because I really wanted to. The result? Going to China is not something I'm furiously proud of. I haven't spoken Mandarin once since getting back stateside. And I never ever want to return to China if I don't have to. There were some nice side-effects, like making some of the best friends I've ever had through Chinese class (like Jacob), and for those I'm grateful, but often I wonder how things would have worked out if I'd taken French.

6. Talk about them.

Obviously that's kind of what I'm doing here. But I'm also talking to my friend KJ about this stuff, as well as my boyfriend, and to my mom. None of them can really give me good advice on increasing blog traffic or proper greyhound care, but that's okay.* Because just talking about it makes it seem more real, and more like something I can do.

 A big thanks to Nicole for creating this system and sharing it with all of her readers.

And now, a question for you guys - do you do goal setting exercises like this? What works for you to stay intentional in your lives?

*If you can give me good advice on increasing blog traffic and/or proper greyhound care, hit me up in the comments or at valorielovely {at} gmail {dot} com.

P.S. I revamped the blog, so if you're just reading in your RSS feeder, come check out the new about page, the new header, and a few other new things!

the one with the 18 thank yous.

I graduated from college about two weeks ago.

It went by fast, that whole part of my life. I spent 17 years in school, 18 if you consider that pre-pre-K thing my mom sent me to.

In that time, I realized that life is made up of four distinct groups of people: Your heroes, your teachers, your peers, and your students. Your heroes are people you may never meet, but who affect your life through their lives. Your teachers are people you know, who guide you on your path and help you to find yourself. Your peers are those people on the same path as you, or similar ones at the same time. And your students are those that you pass your knowledge on to, that you become a teacher for.

We are all all of these roles. We are each someone’s hero, someone’s teacher, someone’s peer, and someone’s student, even if we don’t know it. Through those roles, we pour into one another, giving a little bit of ourselves and taking a little bit of everyone else in order to become who we all are. And in recognition of those roles and the beautiful life inherent within them, here are 18 thank yous to my heroes, my teachers, my peers, and my students, many of which are quite frankly beyond overdue.

My mom, for the way she dances when she’s excited, for teaching me that the American dream is still available to those who work for it, and for starting my love affair with travel and being anywhere but here. My dad, for showing me that the strongest person in the room isn’t always the loudest, for always being supportive of my goals, and for reminding me that to achieve them, I am going to have to work for them. My grandma, for giving me the best advice in the sweetest of fashions, for teaching me how to cook, and for instilling in me the belief that good Southern proper manners are still fashionable.  My cousin Jackie, for helping me learn to follow my instincts and to be who I am, regardless of what society dictates for me.

Sydney, for showing me that true friendship spans all times and all places, and that you don’t have to see each other every day or even every year to be incredibly close. Cyndi, for agreeing that the two of us could say anything we ever needed to the other, no holds barred. Katie, for showing me that sisters aren’t always biological, and Katie’s family for adopting me in as their fourth child and being almost as involved in my life as my biological family is. Mike, who for the past year has shown me what real love looks like, has been an unending source of support and hugs, and has often believed in me more than I believed in myself. 

Mrs. Pearson, who in 7^th grade English class showed me that writing was the thing I was really passionate about, and Dr. Greenwald, who just a year ago sat me down to tell me to stop being afraid of my own talent, and to chase after my dreams, because no one was going to. J.K. Rowling, who created a world I was utterly enthralled by, and gave me something to hold in my hands and say, “this, this is what I want to do.” Jared Tseng, who sat down with me and taught me how to become a professional photographer, how to follow my art, and is still one of the wedding photographers I’m the most inspired by.

Dr. Smith, for exceeding my expectations of how much therapy can help and for giving me the tools to take care of myself, to save myself, and to love myself. Every man I ever dated, the douches and the nice guys, who let me fall in love with them, let me fall out of love with them, and helped me figure out not only what I want, but what I deserve in the man I’ll someday marry. The little kids I taught to swim, because they showed me that compassion, patience, and a little silliness can sometimes be more important than outright hard work. All you blog readers, for showing me that community is not limited by geography and that unwavering support can come from people whose faces you’ve never seen. Finally, all the bloggers who have confronted their quarter-life crises, and through those confrontations have shown me that there is a way to become the best version of yourself and it’s not always the way society says it should be done.

So thank you guys. Thank you for helping me on the path to the Grown Ass Woman I’ve (almost) become, and thank you for doing it in your own beautiful ways that reflect the heroes, the teachers, the peers, and the students that have poured into you and made you all into the fantastic beings you’ve become and will continue to evolve into.

All of the hugs and all of the love,

Valorie

It's Closing Time

Everyone knows that song Closing Time, by Semisonic, right?

This song is what my life feels like these days. And I'm sure that everyone that graduated from high school or college from 1998-2000 said the same thing, but I identify so strongly with this song these days that every time I hear it, it moves me in a way very few songs have before.

Closing time. Open all the doors and let you out into the world. 

I'll be honest: As I get ready to graduate from college on Saturday morning, I'm nervous. I'm excited and thrilled, and really proud of myself for actually doing this because I had so many opportunities to not, but I'm also nervous about what comes next. I've always known what the next few years of my life would look like - this is the first time I don't have a plan like that. It's cool and wonderful, and also a lot of pressure. Going out into the world, the Real World, finally.

Closing time. Turn all of the lights on over every boy and every girl.

I keep thinking about that moment when I walk across the stage and am handed my diploma. What if I trip? I probably will because, well it's me and I fall a lot. And I tripped at my high school graduation, so I might as well trip again. I know no one pays attention at graduations, but my family and a lot of friends will be there watching that moment directly in the spotlight.

Closing time. One last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey or beer.

My friends and I have been doing a lot of weekly happy hours this semester. I'm going to miss that as we all graduate and move elsewhere.


Closing time. You don't have to go home but you can't stay here. 


I never quite considered College Station 'home,' but I will be sad to leave it. It's true that I can't stay here - this city was good for college, but there's nothing here for me career-wise. It's too small, and I'm going to be working in big cities. Capitals.


Closing time. Time for you to go out to the places you will be from.

I've kept this a secret for a while now, but I suppose now is as good a time to announce this as ever: Soon, I'll be saying that I'm from Washington D.C. I'm spending the holidays with my family then I'll be D.C.-bound after the first of the year. I'm doing an internship up there for the semester then... well, who knows? I've loved D.C. for a long time, so I'm excited for that city to become a place that I call home someday.

So gather up your jackets, move it to the exits. I hope you have found a friend.

I've found friends in college. Some of them are moving to D.C. with me, which I'm excited about, and that makes the move a little easier. I've stayed friends with the most important people from high school. And as cheesy as this sounds, I've made a friend of myself. The most important thing I've learned in college is to be faithful to myself, true to my needs and desires, and to love myself. It was a tough lesson, but the most important one the last three and a half years could have ever taught me.

I know who I want to take me home.



But that's for another post.



Take me home. 

Closing time. Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

these are the verbs right now.

Applying for jobs and internships in Washington D.C. Blowing my nose because it's fall and that means my body hates me. Writing and researching for my thesis. Dressing up for Halloween because it's the best holiday ever. Organizing events for TAMU Model UN and Brazos Valley Social Media Club.  Researching for another paper I have due. Visiting pumpkin patches with my boyfriend. Writing and mailing graduation announcements to family and friends because apparently I graduate from college in less than two months. Exercising so I can scratch #25 off my list. Photographing friends for their graduation announcements.

If it seems like I'm busy, it's definitely because I am. Unfortunately, it also means that even though I have SO MUCH I want to blog about, it means that I can't because I just DON'T HAVE TIME. :c

This makes me sad, guys. 

I'm going to try to make time for my blog. Really. But if I can't, here's how you can keep up with me:

I'll be definitely be tweeting through this because if I said everything I had to to my boyfriend, his head would explode. You can follow me here (and incidentally if you want to see if his head DOES explode from dealing with the level of crazy I'll be for the next month, you can follow him here).

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The Nouns.

{I don't honestly know whose this is. But it isn't mine.}

I've gotten to the stage after a break-up where I flirt with basically everything that moves. Well, and is male. Mostly. Anyway, this is a dangerous stage for me. Because I inevitably end up meeting (or just noticing) someone really cool and deciding I'm totally ready to be in a relationship again BUT I'M REALLY NOT THIS TIME.

And even though there are about five really cute and/or sweet guys in my life right now, I'm just going to keep screaming that in my head. And at y'all. Because they don't listen. Get excited.

So instead of texting them, I'm going to sit here and admit that I've gotten to a point in my life where there are some things I just won't compromise on. I've dated enough good guys (and more than enough bad ones) that my standards are high now. Come join me up here, won't you? And so, I present:

Nouns I Promise Not to Put Up With Anymore
{This list has been inspired by this post by The Frenemy. And yes, I did also agree to the Manifesto.}

• Anyone who doesn't think Friends is awesome.
• The DRUG DEALER.
• The guy that jokes about rape.
• One word text messages.
• Broken promises.
• The inability to understand that I like to be alone sometimes.
  
• Anyone who doesn't like my friends or family.
  
• Anyone who thinks depression is something you can just "get over."
• Lies.
  
• Stupid dating games.
• Slackers with no ambition.
• Guys that have slept with more girls than they are old.
  
• Someone whose feelings toward me I just kind of have to guess/assume instead of KNOW.
• The is-this-a-date-or-are-we-just-hanging-out moment.
• Someone who doesn't like to read.
• Skinny jeans on men. [Amended on 12. 11. 2010 -- some guys totally can pull this look off. Yum.]
  
• Guys who preach to me.
• Email ask-outs. CALL ME, YOU WIMP.
• Anyone who doesn't find me impressive.
• The guy that isn't okay with me having more boys who are friends than girls who are friends.
  
• Clingy guys.
• Guys that don't like to cuddle.
  
• People that party more nights of the week than they don't.
• The guy that thinks he knows what's best for me. I am a grown ass woman, I can take care of myself.
• Someone who makes me feel like I need to act differently around him.
• Jealous boys.
  
• Anyone that doesn't want to live loudly and voraciously.
  
• Someone who uses a pet name more than my real name.
• Guilt trips.
  
• The guy that I'm only interested in because he has a job and seems relatively stable and healthy.
  
• Bad tippers.
• The guy that has to act totally macho in front of his friends. The DudeBro.
• Anyone who doesn't think I. Fucking. Rock.
• The guy that's still in love with/hung up on his ex.
• Anyone that doesn't get my humor.
• Guys named Alex. (Sorry.)
• Someone who won't be up front and honest with me.
  
• Rude boys.
• The straight up refusal to dance. Ever.
  
• Somebody who isn't as excited about me as I am about him.
  
• Guys with no fashion sense whatsoever.
  
• Someone who thinks Texas is the best thing to happen to the planet ever and never wants to leave ever ever. Like, what?
• Boring people.
  
• Guys that do not stop calling me "Val," no matter how many times I say not to.
  
• SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T GET HOW LEGIT AND AWESOME I AM.

So, a deal: In return for these things, I promise not to settle or be a crazy bitch. Well, 99% of the time. And yes, I totally get that I'm probably going to end up dying alone, but I'm okay with that at this point.

Didn't Your Momma Teach You Anything?

Or, Spend My Money More Wisely, TAMU.

Dear Texas A&M,

I understand you're in the middle of a budget crisis. The Texas Legislature is telling you to cut almost 15% of your budget. That's A LOT. It sucks. I get it. I've been there; my parent's have cut me off before, too. It's a little scary, isn't it?

When my parents cut me off for a little while, I had to make decisions, cut out excess. I didn't decide not to pay rent or electric, and spend that money on coffee and clothes, did I? I bought sandwich meat instead of steak. I think we can both agree that that would have been a rather silly decision to do otherwise. Like, get your priorities in line, right?

You're a university. You are, by default, an institution theoretically filled with intelligent people. So we would expect you to deal with this budget crisis smartly; you'd do some things you're already doing. Things like: getting rid of obsolete landlines in an age when everyone has cells; not raising pay; letting TAMU basically become a billboard for Pepsi Co.. We'd think you'd do little things that add up to a lot, like turn off lights in your offices at night, use more energy efficient lightbulbs, stop keeping Harrington so damn cold all the time, etc.

So, why is it that I hear you're doing some less than brilliant things? Firing our professors, A&M? Come on, now. They're literally the lifeblood of the university. I get that their salaries are a huge chunk of our budget, but they are necessary. I would maybe understand if the incoming freshman class was small, so you didn't need as many profs teaching the same basic level subjects. If the student body was shrinking, it'd make sense. But each incoming class increases in size. And it's not like our lecture halls can hold more people per class. And honestly, it makes TAMU look bad when our teacher:student ratio changes negatively. With an increasingly larger student body and diversifying education, we need those professors.

Also, what about all this construction on campus, TAMU? I can think of five recent projects off the top of my head, ranging from kind of useful to a terrible investment, especially in the middle of a budget crisis, i.e. the glorified sidewalk running parallel to another perfectly good sidewalk in Academic Plaza. How much did that cost? About one prof's yearly salary? No one even sits on those benches, guys. It was a waste of money.

You know what else is a huge investment? Your salaries. The administration's. I don't see any of y'all getting fired. The bureaucracy at this school continues to grow, getting less and less streamlined (i.e. more and more frustrating for students and profs), wasting more and more money, and the necessary features of a school are what are being removed? What are you going to take away next, TAMU? Our desks? Just so you don't have to admit that maybe our administration has gotten too big? I understand that it's hard to stand up and say "My job is useless. I quit on the condition that you do away with my position entirely." But you probably should. Combine duties. Make it so any one person's job includes doing more than one task. You'll streamline the school and keep what we actually need -- teachers in the classrooms.

Universities exist for the education of their students, not for the glory of their administrators. Think about it.

it's okay.

{via.}

It's okay to stop everything, no matter where you are, and sit down.
To be quiet and still.
To remind yourself that you are strong enough to conquer whatever is in front of you.
And if not to do so with a smile, then to do so with the fierce determination that you will smile soon.

Why don't we interview for everything?

{via.}

In the past few weeks, I've filled out something like 50 trillion applications. Job applications. Organization applications. Volunteer applications. Even a practice law school application (oh yeah, I'm *that* girl). I've gone through so many interviews, it's stupid.

But all this got me thinking: If we go so far as to interview the person who's going to feed our cat for three days while we're out of town ("What is the greatest responsibility you've had in the past?" She asked the eleven-year-old girl), the woman who vacuums our carpets ("Do you have a working knowledge of 409?"), and the volunteer we're going to hire to hand out pieces of paper ("Do you enjoy working with people to reach a common goal?"), these people who we really don't even interact with much, why don't we interview the extremely important people in our lives?

Example: Once we're getting past the flirtatious stage with someone and may actually *like* this person enough to pursue a relationship, why don't we sit them down and ask them some serious questions? i.e.:

Do you come with recommendations of previous employers (in this case, significant others)?

What are your skills/hobbies/interests?

Do you follow instructions well?

Are you a cuddly sleeper?

Do you enjoy working in a group?

You have $50 in your pocket. All your bills are paid. Do you spend this on:

• Beer to drink with the boys
• Dinner with your girlfriend
• Put it in savings
• or some combination of the above?
  

Have you ever been known under another name?

Have you been married before?

How do you define cheating?

Have you ever been convicted of a crime, minor or major?

Are you the type to give flowers, chocolates, jewelry, or none of the above? If yes, do you do this spontaneously or only for special occasions?

Do you speak any languages other than your native tongue?

Are there any crazy exes and/or other sort of previous-significant-other drama I need to be aware of? For instance, is there any chance that some woman somewhere is giving birth to a child of yours right now?

It's date night, do you a) Do dinner and a movie, b) Cook dinner at home, c) Party, or d) Other? If "other," elaborate.

Do you enjoy traveling?

Describe your skill level in relation to things such as fixing anything broken and building stuff around the house.

How do you feel about kids?

Do you have a working knowledge of how to give a good back massage?

How do you handle crisis situations?

Are you good with taking out the trash and killing all the bugs as long as I keep the house clean and make sure not to take over the bathroom counter with makeup?

Why are you interested in pursuing a relationship with me?

I feel like asking these basic questions would really save people a lot of problems down the road. You know, no nasty surprises like finding out the night before your wedding that he doesn't want kids and you want a houseful, and etc.

Currently, I'm not accepting applications. But if I ever am in the future, I'm seriously considering implementing this corporate strategy.