Thursday, November 11, 2010


Confession is defined as an admission of misdeeds or faults. (You know, according to Google. And we all know how right Google always is.) Well, this is my confession:

I have no idea how to be completely single. Since the seventh grade, I have not been completely single for more than a month. There were times in high school and college where nominally I was, as in we weren't "exclusive" or whatever. But I really don't think I've ever not been involved with someone.

I have no idea how to be alone.

I am completely 100% single rightthissecond and I want to stay that way. I want to meet this single Valorie, this girl who I've never even seen. I'm a little sad that I didn't get to meet her as a teenager, but I assume she'd be cool as a twenty-something too.

Because, let's face it: I need to learn how to be alone.

Right this second, being completely 100% uninvolved with anyone is involving a lot of running, a lot of crying, and listening to "You Start Over Your Way" by Randy Rogers Band on repeat. However, I'm sure this isn't all being single includes. But I'm so used to jumping into another fling or relationship right after this part that I don't know what comes next.

So, confession: I still have a lot to learn.

edit, later: My cousin tweeted this today and I just had to quote it: Single isn't a status. It's a word that best describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others. Needed that today.

This post was brought to you in part by Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop.


  1. I was in the same boat when i was your age aka 2 years ago. Always taking care of someone else didn't know what it looked like to focus on me. So that's what I did, and i learned a lot about myself, and also found an awesome women(at the time) when i wasn't looking. Than i found myself in the same boat again four months ago. from engaged to single was a giant slap in the face. But i like to think I've recovered well, i'm enjoying this new found single me, it just took many long road trips, mental breakdowns, and tequila shots to get here. Be forewarned though there will always be a desire for companionship, maybe not a relationship but knowing someone will always be there for you.

  2. i was the same way! always had a boyfriend in junior high and high school... but did have a brief single period in college though that was super defining. i got married super young (22) and am still happily married 7 years later. i definitely think that single period was crucial to figuring out who i was, by myself.

    good luck!
    (visiting from mama kat's place!)

  3. Hi there. Just found you through Mama Kat and I am so happy I did. I'm trying to become your follower but I can find that link on your blog.. : (
    Anyway, back to this post. I think it's very brave and mature of you to realize that you need to figure out who this new single self is. I'd had both. I've been in relationships and been single quite a bit too. Sadly, I don't think I've ever really been in love with a guy and I worry that I don't know how. Meanwhile, i have loved being single and really enjoy my 'me time'. It definitely is hard learning to balance the two, huh?

  4. i was single in high school, i wasn't single also in that 'not exclusive' kind of way. when Prince and i were in our phase of "lets be friends" it took a lot of willpower to admit that I was technically single. it killed me. i didn't want to be that single girl. i didn't want to find her again, re-relate to her. i didn't want to be there. and that's what was so hard. choosing that path. ultimately for me, things came around. but they don't always and in the future i may have to do some more flirting with my single nature. however, i am excited for you to find the single Valorie. i'm certain she's just awesome, because after all dear, she is you :)

  5. I only really dated casually and in groups in high school- I preferred to spend time with my friends. In college, I had a boyfriend, but he ws in the service and away- so I spent most of college hanging with my girlfiends too. I am glad that I did.. I had a lot of time to do things for me and getting to be selfish. It is important you figure out who you are so you don't one day find that you are defining yourself by your significant other and the relationship you are in. Enjoy the freedom for now.

  6. don't worry girl. even people who have been single for long periods of time feel the same way, so you aren't alone. but i personally know that you are strong and beautiful all on your own- so don't worry. :)

  7. I know exactly how you feel. Let's face it, we all knew I had a reputation in high school for keeping other guys warm. And right now, I'm trying this whole "abstinence" thing. It's not just about NOT having's about not being romantically involved with someone. Figuring out what you like/don't like. What your values are and how you would respond in situations. It's about learning to find yourself all over again. Putting it in those terms makes it seem like you're finding your childhood and childlike-ness. It's refreshing. Enjoy it.

  8. I think you have to learn that being alone is okay before you can share your life with someone else.

  9. I seriously must learn this. or actually. I spend too much time alone, yet seem to be very attached when it comes to men. weird. thanks for confessing this. pretty brave, something a lot of us fear.


Commenting? How lovely. Please try not to talk about dead cats.