Okay, so, I was planning on blogging about mother's day and how wonderful it was to see my mom (she drove down to see me at TAMU) and how thankful I am for her. And while I was thankful for her yesterday, I'm not so thankful now.
I realize that sounds awful, but I'm really upset.
Late last night, I found out that my Great-Aunt Mildred passed away early Sunday morning. I was floored when I found out. I mean, she'd been sick recently and I knew she was in a lot of pain so part of me is glad she's not in pain anymore, but I'd kind of expected her to pull through. I shouldn't have expected that and taken her health for granted, but how many people honestly expect death? I digress; I was devastated when I found out from my cousin. Of course, I immediately called my mom to tell her and to my surprise, she said, "I know."
She knew? She'd been here with me that morning and she knew? And she didn't tell me?
Well, I asked her why she didn't tell me and after a few minutes of stammering and talking in circles, she finally admitted that the family had decided not to tell me. My entire family decided not to tell me (except my cousin, apparently). They actually decided that not telling me was the best answer because of finals. I asked when they had planned on actually telling me and she said Thursday at the earliest, but probably more like Sunday because I have my friend's prom to go to.
Let's reiterate. They were going to wait until a week after she passed to tell me because of a few tests and a prom.
Pushing the betrayal I felt by the alone aside, I asked when the funeral was going to be. This led to more stammering before she finally said that it would probably be Wednesday. My last two finals are on Wednesday. The funeral would be roughly 6 hours away. There's no possible way I could make that. So, I ask her to call me as soon as the date and time are confirmed, thinking that if it is on Wednesday, I still have time to reschedule my finals for Tuesday and make the funeral. I retire to my room to deal with the fact that this wonderful woman who loved me and my entire family unconditionally has passed away and I realize that my world feels a little emptier without her in it.
Today, I wake up at noon and immediately check my phone to see if my mom has called to let me know when the funeral will be. I have no missed calls, which shocks me. My mother said she was going to find out at about 7 am when the funeral was. So, I call her to see if she knows and maybe just forgot to call. She doesn't answer and I leave a message, asking her to call me as soon as possible.
I call her again at one. No answer. Two PM: no answer. Three o'clock, four o'clock, five o'clock: No answer. I left a message each time. I tried calling other family members. No answers.
At this point, I'm starting to get anxious. Did they decide to have the funeral today? Or is it just coincidence none of them answered? My mom hasn't answered all day... is she okay? Did something else happen? Are they trying to keep more stuff from me? Should I go ahead and reschedule my finals for Tuesday? Well, the family is really widespread, they probably couldn't all get there by Wednesday, so what if they do have it Thursday or Friday? What the hell am I supposed to do, hundreds of miles from the nearest family member, when no one will answer the phone and tell me what's going on?
Finally, my mother calls me back at 9:16 PM. By that point, my rationale that it will be on Thursday has won out (I also added in that my mother knew I knew and that she couldn't possibly be cruel enough to deny me the chance to honor my Aunt at her funeral), so I haven't emailed my profs and asked to reschedule. I've packed up most of my dorm so I can leave as soon as my finals are over and drive straight to Arkansas (where the funeral was supposed to be). Well, my mother calls me back, and I immediately ask "Okay, so, what time is the funeral?"
After a minute or so of talking in circles she tells me: Wednesday, 2 PM. Of course.
She soon admitted to having found out at 7 am that morning and having ignored all my phone calls because she didn't want me to reschedule my finals because she didn't want me to rush through them and possibly get a bad grade on them. She knew if she waited late enough, I wouldn't be able to reschedule my finals in time to make it to the funeral.
Let's get this straight: First, they were just not going to tell me because of a few tests and a dance. Then, when I found out, they decided to not tell me when the funeral was so I wouldn't get a bad grade on my finals. Did they think I was going to be happy that they didn't tell me until a week later? "Oh, thanks family for not telling me so I could take a test and go to someone else's prom and be happy"? Do they really think I'm going to get a good grade on finals now? "Oh, my Aunt just died and my family has virtually denied me all chances to go to her funeral and get some closure and say goodbye... LET'S ACE THIS TEST!"? Like...honestly? And did they really think I was going to cope better without my family? Without going to the funeral? Without that closure? What honestly made them think this was the best way of going about this?