Saturday, September 5, 2009

On Breaking Up, Part 2

Remember about two months ago when I posted something about break ups, wondering why they have to be so cruel? I've now gone through another break up since then and wanted to follow up on my previous thoughts.

Quick synopsis in case you're too lazy to go read the full post: I was saying that I didn't understand why breakups have to be mean, why people feel a need to hurt each other in them. "I mean, if two people were together, there was a reason. There was something about each other that they liked and the fact is that that part of them doesn’t go away or change just because they go their separate ways."

The entire reason I'm posting this is not because Kevin and I ended badly. Quite the opposite, in fact. Our break up, which was mutual and entirely peaceful, entirely reaffirmed my belief that people can be friends after a breakup, even when they're older. I realized after On Breaking Up, Part 1, that my main example of a close friend after a break up was my best friend Travis -- but we dated in high school, when relationships are less serious, and it made me wonder if age had some factor in it. As in, is it harder to move on if you (whether or not you consciously realized it) were taking this relationship more seriously, thinking that now that you're in college (or beyond), this could be the person you're going to marry? And if so, does that make it more okay to be mean to one another?

Kevin and I weren't considering getting married, let's get that straight now, but we still could have been rude, we could have been cruel, we could have gotten angry and done really mean things to each other through it. But we didn't, and we didn't see the point in doing it. We knew we had been together for a reason, and that reason didn't change -- our proximity to each other did. (It was the distance that did us in. Sad days, huh?) On my last post on this subject, Judi said "I'm of the opinion that there's really nothing wrong with getting angry. Anger provides us information and sometimes direction. It can help us transition through change to get where we need to go. That being said, what we DO with anger can be a major problem, of course." I don't think I could have said it better (which is why I quoted her).

I've asked this once before, but I'll ask it again: What is it about break ups do you think makes people treat each other like crap? Are there any significant factors in why some people stay friends and some people can't do that?

You guys know this, but I should say it anyways: That photo is not mine, it's from the poster for the movie The Break Up, which if you haven't seen that you NEED to. :]


  1. I just experienced a break up. I am trying not to be hateful to [Jerk]face, but it's still hard.
    This post helped me a lot, though! Thanks so much!!!

  2. The Breakup is NOT a good movie. I fell asleep during it.

  3. That's awesome that you guys are able to be civil. I think so many times, people are really hurt by breakups, and I've heard it said a lot that "hurting people hurt people." That obviously doesn't make it right to turn a breakup into a huge bash-fest of the other person, but many times that's how people choose to cope because they don't know how else to handle their broken heart. It's always better when you can stay friends afterward. ps--check out my latest blog entry, I gave you an award :)


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